@KaballsDeep | Audio CW: Murder, Suicide, Kabal

[kaballin]

Hey assholes.

This is Kabal and I've got a proposition for you.

So I dunno how many of you were here right from the beginning like me, stuck in this place for fucking ever. Anyway, you know no one has died? People disappeared but no one's died.

Makes you wonder what happens to people when they do.

So in the interest of science and my amusement, I've got a prize for the first person to kill someone. I mean I guess you can off yourself too, but if you don't come back then you're screwed out of the prize, but you do you.

I've got a better phone than the shit we were given. It has games, these things: 🍆💦, a Geiger counter, music player. A bunch of other stuff. And it's yours if you prove you did the deed so we can see if they stay dead or turn into a zombie or who knows what else.

Don't have to kill anyone specific, but if it's Qubit I'll throw in a personal shield generator.

Oh and the robot samurai, two story tall lego sculpture and the light up metal ninja don't count. Gotta be a person.

Comments

[abheirrant]

You didn't answer any of my questions except the last one!

[kaballin]

You're the one getting all hot and bothered by undeads.

I didn't know this was a timed and graded exam.

1. I'm asking you because you seem real interested.
2. I know about them because I was one.
3.I woke up here like this. All alive and normal skin tone and everything.
4. Lots of people curse me, but I'm guessing that's not what you mean.
5. Sure maybe I have no idea.

A+ for Kabal here.

[abheirrant]

[Apparently, he's got more questions. He'll collect your answer sheet later, Kabal.]

You got to just be alive again when you got here? What makes you so deserving of that? Why you and not someone else?

[kaballin]

Probably cuz I saved the world.

Thats how I got roasted. No good deed goes unpunished.

[abheirrant]

Saved the world. You.

If you're going to lie and get me all worked up over nothing, the least you could do is have a point to it. I supposed that'd be too much to ask of you, wouldn't it?

[kaballin]

It was a moment of weakness. Sure didn't work out well for me. What with the dying and being raised as a Revenant and all that.

You know how much it sucks to not eat? I still haven't satisfied a 20 year craving for nachos.

[abheirrant]

[There's a delay in the frantic messages Carlisle has been sending, as his hands are shaking too badly to type. Yes, he knows 'how much it sucks' to be unable to eat... or drink, or sleep, or dream, or do anything that normal people get to do. He took such commodities for granted when he was alive; he had no idea he would be living -- in a sense -- without them.

He types again, frustrated and bitter that someone like Kabal, of all people—]

It's maddening.

[kaballin]

It really is.

When I first got here I couldn't remember how to sleep. Had to drink myself into a stupor.

From your sudden silence I'm guessing you know what I'm talking about.

[abheirrant]

[✔ Read.]

[abheirrant]

[The message sits like that for a while as he quietly panics on his end before he realizes that saying nothing is practically confirmation that he either knows about undeads or has been one before.]

An educated guess, as I worked to curb the undead population in my world.

[kaballin]

[ Wow that's not suspicious at all.]

What by rotting them? Doesn't seem real effective. They can just reform.

You keeping secrets behind that bad ninja cosplay of yours?

[abheirrant]

It's an outfit for exorcism.

[He doesn't even know what a ninja or cosplay are, frankly.]

[kaballin]

Now who's the one avoiding questions.

[abheirrant]

I'm not.

[He is.]

I am clergy. A healer. I dispatch the undead through restorative energies.

[kaballin]

Thought you were all pissy about the healing not working and everything rotting instead.

[He pays more attention than it seems.]

[abheirrant]

[Desth, did he say that? Why did he say that and since when does Kabal actually listen to him when he's going off like that

This is fine. This is fine this is fine this is fine this is fine]

That's only on occasion.

[Remember that lumbering oaf? He's just texting Carlisle into a corner. It's fine. This is fine. He doesn't know about his being an undead or a Revenant and what else did he say while he was fuming and was Kabal listening]

[kaballin]

Along with whatever you were talking about with losing control and undead huh.

Sure sounds EXACTLY like an exorcism.

[abheirrant]

That's not what I meant.

[THIS IS FINE]

I lost my temper. I misspoke.

[kaballin]

[Keep digging that hole Carlisle.]

Sure you did.

So what DO you do with those powers and why are you so hung up about dead things?

[abheirrant]

The undead are anathema to my order. I am not 'hung up' about them. I detest them with every fibre of my being.

[kaballin]

They're what now?

Good thing I'm not dead anymore so we can be besties.

[abheirrant]

WE ARE NOT BESTIES.

[kaballin]

You're breaking my heart.

[abheirrant]

I doubt you have a heart to break, you horrible person. I'm hanging up now.

[Or he would if one could... hang up texts. No one really taught him the proper terminology for phones, okay.]

[kaballin]

That's not how texting works but I appreciate the effort.

And I know I do. Skarlet ripped it out once. So I've seen it up close and personal.