@KaballsDeep | Audio CW: Murder, Suicide, Kabal

[kaballin]

Hey assholes.

This is Kabal and I've got a proposition for you.

So I dunno how many of you were here right from the beginning like me, stuck in this place for fucking ever. Anyway, you know no one has died? People disappeared but no one's died.

Makes you wonder what happens to people when they do.

So in the interest of science and my amusement, I've got a prize for the first person to kill someone. I mean I guess you can off yourself too, but if you don't come back then you're screwed out of the prize, but you do you.

I've got a better phone than the shit we were given. It has games, these things: 🍆💦, a Geiger counter, music player. A bunch of other stuff. And it's yours if you prove you did the deed so we can see if they stay dead or turn into a zombie or who knows what else.

Don't have to kill anyone specific, but if it's Qubit I'll throw in a personal shield generator.

Oh and the robot samurai, two story tall lego sculpture and the light up metal ninja don't count. Gotta be a person.

Comments

[abheirrant]

I am, though I must insist that were you somehow returned to true life by this place, I want to know how.

[kaballin]

Can't help you there. I have no clue.

Like I said, I woke up like this. It didn't come with an instruction manual.

[abheirrant]

[Some people have all the luck.]

How long were you dead?

[kaballin]

About twenty years.

And I was stuck in the fucking Netherrealm. I've missed twenty years of tv.

But more the not eating thing. That sucked.

[abheirrant]

Netherrealm?

[Also, what's tv?]

[kaballin]

Where the dead go in my world. Sorta.

And where the fucking asswipe sorcerer who turned me into that shit in the first place lived.

[abheirrant]

Is there a difference between sorcerers and necromancers in your world?

[kaballin]

Uh. Not really?

[There's a pause while he thinks about that. He's bored, he's willing to entertain Carlisle's questions.]

Necromancers raise the dead right. So sorcerers can do that but also a bunch of other shit too. Magic stuff.

There's two dickbags parading around Outworld with their sparkle powers. Quan Chi and Shang Tsung.

Quan Chi makes dead people into revenants. Shang Tsung rips out souls and

... Like... Turns into them? Sorta. This shit sounds real dumb now that I'm typing it out.

[abheirrant]

[Okay, so whereas sorcery and necromancy are two different crafts in his world — one being a perfectly acceptable path of magic, and the other being an affront to the nature of existence — it seems the sorcerers of Kabal's world are merely necromancers with more punch. That's frankly horrifying, and Carlisle hopes he neither ends up there, nor that any of these characters Kabal mentions end up in Anchor.

It goes to reason that the Revenants of his world are different, as well, likely not made the same way, nor characteristically similar, save for being undead. He wishes he didn't feel... disappointed, in some way, as though clues to what he may be and some way to fix it just slipped right through his grasp.]

So Shang Tsung is some kind of doppleganger on top of being a lich. It does not sound dumb so much as appalling that such creatures exist.

[kaballin]

Yeah. Something like that.

They're both dead themselves now. Not that I got to kill either of those assholes.

You know what sucks more? I didn't even get to see Scorpion chop off Quan Chi's head and it was probably awesome.

AND killing him means he couldn't undo all the revenants he made, so I get out of here and I'm stuck like that for eternity I guess.

Fuck that noise. I'm gonna go get tacos while I can still eat and everything doesn't hurt.

[abheirrant]

Is that why you're so interested in carving out a place for yourself here, no matter how self-serving you may be in the meantime? Because returning home means damnation, and this may be your only chance to enjoy yourself?

[Not that that would make it right, but it does provide some context.]

[kaballin]

Well aren't you quick on the uptake.

For the record though, I'm always self serving.

[He has street cred to protect here.]

[abheirrant]

And I suppose you'd do away with me if I were no longer useful.

[kaballin]

What for?

Maybe if you pissed me off. There's plenty of useless people I haven't killed yet. You're nowhere near the top of the list.

[abheirrant]

I suppose I should be grateful, though you say that as though I haven't pissed you off at some point.

[Also, no, he's not going to be grateful to Kabal, of all people. For anything. Ever. Not even pulling him from the white room.]

[kaballin]

No one here has seen me even remotely close to being pissed off.

[It's pretty hard to make him mad, which is good because once there he's a murderous force of nature that can't be stopped.]

[abheirrant]

You seemed angry in the flooded corridor.

[Though he doesn't specify which time, he's pretty sure Kabal can figure it out. He is, at times, smarter than he lets on.]

[kaballin]

When I punched the wall or when a slammed into Qubit?

That was me annoyed. If I was angry there wouldn't be any witnesses to remember it.

[abheirrant]

I suppose we should be grateful you are so naturally composed. Give it time. I'm sure someone will undoubtedly provoke you eventually.

[kaballin]

Been here almost 10 months and haven't yet.

Everyone sucks, but no one has even tried to fight me.

What Qubit did isn't fighting, that's just an excuse for me to put his head on a pike.

[abheirrant]

Hence your offer now.

Do you expect he would not find some new, more effective way to retaliate?

[kaballin]

Not if I retaliate first.

[abheirrant]

That's not how retaliation works.

[kaballin]

Preemptive retaliation.

Anyway, I'm not the only one who wants him dead.

[abheirrant]

Really.