@KaballsDeep | Audio CW: Murder, Suicide, Kabal

[kaballin]

Hey assholes.

This is Kabal and I've got a proposition for you.

So I dunno how many of you were here right from the beginning like me, stuck in this place for fucking ever. Anyway, you know no one has died? People disappeared but no one's died.

Makes you wonder what happens to people when they do.

So in the interest of science and my amusement, I've got a prize for the first person to kill someone. I mean I guess you can off yourself too, but if you don't come back then you're screwed out of the prize, but you do you.

I've got a better phone than the shit we were given. It has games, these things: 🍆💦, a Geiger counter, music player. A bunch of other stuff. And it's yours if you prove you did the deed so we can see if they stay dead or turn into a zombie or who knows what else.

Don't have to kill anyone specific, but if it's Qubit I'll throw in a personal shield generator.

Oh and the robot samurai, two story tall lego sculpture and the light up metal ninja don't count. Gotta be a person.

Comments

[abheirrant]

I suppose we should be grateful you are so naturally composed. Give it time. I'm sure someone will undoubtedly provoke you eventually.

[kaballin]

Been here almost 10 months and haven't yet.

Everyone sucks, but no one has even tried to fight me.

What Qubit did isn't fighting, that's just an excuse for me to put his head on a pike.

[abheirrant]

Hence your offer now.

Do you expect he would not find some new, more effective way to retaliate?

[kaballin]

Not if I retaliate first.

[abheirrant]

That's not how retaliation works.

[kaballin]

Preemptive retaliation.

Anyway, I'm not the only one who wants him dead.

[abheirrant]

Really.

[kaballin]

You trying out sarcasm? It's not working so hot for you.

[abheirrant]

How's this: really?

[kaballin]

Better I guess.

But yeah, he's not just a douchebag to me you know. I haven't seen many people with a more punchable face either. So his days are numbered even if I wasn't throwing in some prizes.

[abheirrant]

His personality, an acquired taste as it may be at times, does not merit murder.

[kaballin]

I think the people doing the murder get to make that call.

[abheirrant]

Then may they find his methods as shocking as you did.

[kaballin]

Cute.

I'm almost a little proud of you right now. You're learning.

[abheirrant]

My tongue has been plenty sharp without your help, thank you.

[kaballin]

My good influence is helping though.

[abheirrant]

Do tell.

[abheirrant]

Correction: do tell?

[kaballin]

See you're getting better already.

Here we go:
1. I am bringing out your hidden potential.
2. Nothing but supportive of your freaky rust powers
3. Probably saved your life
4. Graciously shared the spoils with you
5. Eventually I'll teach you how to throw a punch so you don't get hung on a flagpole by your underwear.

I am HELPING and I don't think you're very appreciative of my selfless actions.

[abheirrant]

There's only one of those I agree with.

[kaballin]

That's something I guess.

You're not the worst lackey I've ever had.

[abheirrant]

Such high praise.

That's sarcasm, by the way.

[kaballin]

Yeah I got that. Nicely done.

[abheirrant]

I do learn, but can you?

[kaballin]

I know a lot more than you think.

Why you wanna teach me something?