@KaballsDeep | Audio CW: Murder, Suicide, Kabal

[kaballin]

Hey assholes.

This is Kabal and I've got a proposition for you.

So I dunno how many of you were here right from the beginning like me, stuck in this place for fucking ever. Anyway, you know no one has died? People disappeared but no one's died.

Makes you wonder what happens to people when they do.

So in the interest of science and my amusement, I've got a prize for the first person to kill someone. I mean I guess you can off yourself too, but if you don't come back then you're screwed out of the prize, but you do you.

I've got a better phone than the shit we were given. It has games, these things: 🍆💦, a Geiger counter, music player. A bunch of other stuff. And it's yours if you prove you did the deed so we can see if they stay dead or turn into a zombie or who knows what else.

Don't have to kill anyone specific, but if it's Qubit I'll throw in a personal shield generator.

Oh and the robot samurai, two story tall lego sculpture and the light up metal ninja don't count. Gotta be a person.

Comments

[kaballin]

Cute.

I'm almost a little proud of you right now. You're learning.

[abheirrant]

My tongue has been plenty sharp without your help, thank you.

[kaballin]

My good influence is helping though.

[abheirrant]

Do tell.

[abheirrant]

Correction: do tell?

[kaballin]

See you're getting better already.

Here we go:
1. I am bringing out your hidden potential.
2. Nothing but supportive of your freaky rust powers
3. Probably saved your life
4. Graciously shared the spoils with you
5. Eventually I'll teach you how to throw a punch so you don't get hung on a flagpole by your underwear.

I am HELPING and I don't think you're very appreciative of my selfless actions.

[abheirrant]

There's only one of those I agree with.

[kaballin]

That's something I guess.

You're not the worst lackey I've ever had.

[abheirrant]

Such high praise.

That's sarcasm, by the way.

[kaballin]

Yeah I got that. Nicely done.

[abheirrant]

I do learn, but can you?

[kaballin]

I know a lot more than you think.

Why you wanna teach me something?

[abheirrant]

I'd teach you some manners if I thought you capable of learning any.

[kaballin]

See the problem with that is I know them.

I just don't care.

[abheirrant]

I shall believe that the day I see it. Until then, it is easier to assume you a brute with not a modicum of good behavior in your lumbering body.

[kaballin]

Good. Ruins my street cred if you find out I know which one is the salad fork and which one is the dinner fork.

[abheirrant]

There are different forks?

[kaballin]

Now who's the uncultured one?

[abheirrant]

I have not yet ruled out that you are merely toying with me, as I have yet to think of a single reason there would be any need for multiple forks for a single dinner.

[kaballin]

There's one for each course to show off how rich and fancy you are that you have a dozen forks and spoons per person.

Don't worry, there's still time to get into the high society banquet of your dreams. I believe in you.

[abheirrant]

That sounds both wasteful and impractical. I will pass, thank you.