@KaballsDeep | Audio CW: Murder, Suicide, Kabal

[kaballin]

Hey assholes.

This is Kabal and I've got a proposition for you.

So I dunno how many of you were here right from the beginning like me, stuck in this place for fucking ever. Anyway, you know no one has died? People disappeared but no one's died.

Makes you wonder what happens to people when they do.

So in the interest of science and my amusement, I've got a prize for the first person to kill someone. I mean I guess you can off yourself too, but if you don't come back then you're screwed out of the prize, but you do you.

I've got a better phone than the shit we were given. It has games, these things: 🍆💦, a Geiger counter, music player. A bunch of other stuff. And it's yours if you prove you did the deed so we can see if they stay dead or turn into a zombie or who knows what else.

Don't have to kill anyone specific, but if it's Qubit I'll throw in a personal shield generator.

Oh and the robot samurai, two story tall lego sculpture and the light up metal ninja don't count. Gotta be a person.

Comments

[kaballin]

Well aren't you quick on the uptake.

For the record though, I'm always self serving.

[He has street cred to protect here.]

[abheirrant]

And I suppose you'd do away with me if I were no longer useful.

[kaballin]

What for?

Maybe if you pissed me off. There's plenty of useless people I haven't killed yet. You're nowhere near the top of the list.

[abheirrant]

I suppose I should be grateful, though you say that as though I haven't pissed you off at some point.

[Also, no, he's not going to be grateful to Kabal, of all people. For anything. Ever. Not even pulling him from the white room.]

[kaballin]

No one here has seen me even remotely close to being pissed off.

[It's pretty hard to make him mad, which is good because once there he's a murderous force of nature that can't be stopped.]

[abheirrant]

You seemed angry in the flooded corridor.

[Though he doesn't specify which time, he's pretty sure Kabal can figure it out. He is, at times, smarter than he lets on.]

[kaballin]

When I punched the wall or when a slammed into Qubit?

That was me annoyed. If I was angry there wouldn't be any witnesses to remember it.

[abheirrant]

I suppose we should be grateful you are so naturally composed. Give it time. I'm sure someone will undoubtedly provoke you eventually.

[kaballin]

Been here almost 10 months and haven't yet.

Everyone sucks, but no one has even tried to fight me.

What Qubit did isn't fighting, that's just an excuse for me to put his head on a pike.

[abheirrant]

Hence your offer now.

Do you expect he would not find some new, more effective way to retaliate?

[kaballin]

Not if I retaliate first.

[abheirrant]

That's not how retaliation works.

[kaballin]

Preemptive retaliation.

Anyway, I'm not the only one who wants him dead.

[abheirrant]

Really.

[kaballin]

You trying out sarcasm? It's not working so hot for you.

[abheirrant]

How's this: really?

[kaballin]

Better I guess.

But yeah, he's not just a douchebag to me you know. I haven't seen many people with a more punchable face either. So his days are numbered even if I wasn't throwing in some prizes.

[abheirrant]

His personality, an acquired taste as it may be at times, does not merit murder.

[kaballin]

I think the people doing the murder get to make that call.

[abheirrant]

Then may they find his methods as shocking as you did.

[kaballin]

Cute.

I'm almost a little proud of you right now. You're learning.

[abheirrant]

My tongue has been plenty sharp without your help, thank you.

[kaballin]

My good influence is helping though.

[abheirrant]

Do tell.

[abheirrant]

Correction: do tell?