@KaballsDeep | Audio CW: Murder, Suicide, Kabal

[kaballin]

Hey assholes.

This is Kabal and I've got a proposition for you.

So I dunno how many of you were here right from the beginning like me, stuck in this place for fucking ever. Anyway, you know no one has died? People disappeared but no one's died.

Makes you wonder what happens to people when they do.

So in the interest of science and my amusement, I've got a prize for the first person to kill someone. I mean I guess you can off yourself too, but if you don't come back then you're screwed out of the prize, but you do you.

I've got a better phone than the shit we were given. It has games, these things: 🍆💦, a Geiger counter, music player. A bunch of other stuff. And it's yours if you prove you did the deed so we can see if they stay dead or turn into a zombie or who knows what else.

Don't have to kill anyone specific, but if it's Qubit I'll throw in a personal shield generator.

Oh and the robot samurai, two story tall lego sculpture and the light up metal ninja don't count. Gotta be a person.

Comments

text @iceicebaby

[hypothermic]

That's awfully prejudiced against beings composed of elemental materials.

They should have the right to a violent death along with the rest of us.

[kaballin]

Nah they're just freebies. Can use em for practice or something. And they can murder someone else and get a phone they probably don't need so they're not missing out.

[hypothermic]

Does that make you half a freebie, Mr. Iron-Lung

What do you get for 50% of a kill?

A fancy pager?

[Voice]

[mustact]

No.

[ Like actually what the fuck. ]

[kaballin]

Aight. No one's forcing you.

[kaballin]

Did pagers come in fancy?

If someone kills me they don't get nothing. But feel free to try. I'm bored.

[hypothermic]

No, but they come in important. Or so every man who owns a pager thinks.

Killing you might give someone same sense of accomplishment and do-goodery as picking up litter on a beach, but this place is already a dumpster.

Picking you off wouldn't do much to improve the scenery.

audio - @starscream

[vosseeker]

[ Give him a minute - he's not sure what a lego is, but he's pretty sure this is meant as an insult. ]

You seem very confident that your trinket is worth the trouble.

[kaballin]

Kinda like you with your shit out in the wasteland.

Why you got some pressing business and don't want to step on someone and goosh them for science?

Audio @Spides

[itsnotaonesie]

Nobody's killing anybody for your entertainment, Kabal. And if they do try too, I'm coming to kick your ass for making more work for me.

[kaballin]

Admit it kid, you're curious what happens when people die too. Just let it happen, we both find out, and then you can blame me. I'm fine being the bad guy.

[kaballin]

You saying that killing me would be a public service?

I'm touched.

[vosseeker]

It's a better motivator than boredom.

And spend the next six joors cleaning organic muck out of my pedes? Please. A light toss over the railing down several levels is far less effort.

[ Though presumably not less mess for someone else to clean up, depending on how large a splat the victim made. Hopefully the cleaning drones came with wet-vacs. ]

[hypothermic]

Is there a bigger bastard in this joint?

Minus the Cybertronian, who wins on technicality.

Audio @ A55A551N

[gh0stamidstthec0mbat]

I'll consider it. / Is anyone dangerous? / They'd be the most fun.

audio; @Qubit

[superposition]

[ FIRST OF ALL HOW DARE YOU,,, ]

Cute. Here's an idea: you're such a fan of locked doors, why don't you pop up to the airlock and let yourself out.

text; @apocalypseArisen

[livingdeadgirl]

oh my god youve got to be trolling right now

[text; un: longinmouth]

[abheirrant]

You have got to be joking.

2

[abheirrant]

No, of course you're not. Why would I ever expect anything reasonable out of you?

Done

[abheirrant]

Leave Mister Qubit out of this.

[kaballin]

Eh. Not that I've seen anyway. But I bet if you poke 'em enough you'll get some good reactions and then you can at least kill someone really annoying.

[kaballin]

You'd like that wouldn't you?

I'd be fine by the way. Thanks for caring about my well being and all.

[kaballin]

I have no idea what that means but I'm probably not.

Considering you're the only one who's gone through the trouble to type in colors you might be the only one who'd actually use this thing I'm giving out. I'm rooting for you. Go out and make it count.

[kaballin]

What you don't want another phone? I realize now you already have one of these things so I'm leaving you out of the fun.

Sorry. Life's not fair is it?

[kaballin]

I'm sure we've got a powerwasher somewhere.

See? That's the spirit. Doesn't really matter how they die so long as we get the results. For science or whatever.