@KaballsDeep | Audio CW: Murder, Suicide, Kabal

[kaballin]

Hey assholes.

This is Kabal and I've got a proposition for you.

So I dunno how many of you were here right from the beginning like me, stuck in this place for fucking ever. Anyway, you know no one has died? People disappeared but no one's died.

Makes you wonder what happens to people when they do.

So in the interest of science and my amusement, I've got a prize for the first person to kill someone. I mean I guess you can off yourself too, but if you don't come back then you're screwed out of the prize, but you do you.

I've got a better phone than the shit we were given. It has games, these things: 🍆💦, a Geiger counter, music player. A bunch of other stuff. And it's yours if you prove you did the deed so we can see if they stay dead or turn into a zombie or who knows what else.

Don't have to kill anyone specific, but if it's Qubit I'll throw in a personal shield generator.

Oh and the robot samurai, two story tall lego sculpture and the light up metal ninja don't count. Gotta be a person.

Comments

[kaballin]

[ Wow that's not suspicious at all.]

What by rotting them? Doesn't seem real effective. They can just reform.

You keeping secrets behind that bad ninja cosplay of yours?

[abheirrant]

It's an outfit for exorcism.

[He doesn't even know what a ninja or cosplay are, frankly.]

[kaballin]

Now who's the one avoiding questions.

[abheirrant]

I'm not.

[He is.]

I am clergy. A healer. I dispatch the undead through restorative energies.

[kaballin]

Thought you were all pissy about the healing not working and everything rotting instead.

[He pays more attention than it seems.]

[abheirrant]

[Desth, did he say that? Why did he say that and since when does Kabal actually listen to him when he's going off like that

This is fine. This is fine this is fine this is fine this is fine]

That's only on occasion.

[Remember that lumbering oaf? He's just texting Carlisle into a corner. It's fine. This is fine. He doesn't know about his being an undead or a Revenant and what else did he say while he was fuming and was Kabal listening]

[kaballin]

Along with whatever you were talking about with losing control and undead huh.

Sure sounds EXACTLY like an exorcism.

[abheirrant]

That's not what I meant.

[THIS IS FINE]

I lost my temper. I misspoke.

[kaballin]

[Keep digging that hole Carlisle.]

Sure you did.

So what DO you do with those powers and why are you so hung up about dead things?

[abheirrant]

The undead are anathema to my order. I am not 'hung up' about them. I detest them with every fibre of my being.

[kaballin]

They're what now?

Good thing I'm not dead anymore so we can be besties.

[abheirrant]

WE ARE NOT BESTIES.

[kaballin]

You're breaking my heart.

[abheirrant]

I doubt you have a heart to break, you horrible person. I'm hanging up now.

[Or he would if one could... hang up texts. No one really taught him the proper terminology for phones, okay.]

[kaballin]

That's not how texting works but I appreciate the effort.

And I know I do. Skarlet ripped it out once. So I've seen it up close and personal.

[abheirrant]

And I assume that, along with miraculously returning to a living form as you claim to have done, you got that back too.

[kaballin]

Well I was dead at the time. I can tell you it sure as fuck didn't feel pleasant tho.

I dunno what the hell she did with it. Woke up back in one piece.

Thought you were hanging up on me.

[abheirrant]

I am, though I must insist that were you somehow returned to true life by this place, I want to know how.

[kaballin]

Can't help you there. I have no clue.

Like I said, I woke up like this. It didn't come with an instruction manual.

[abheirrant]

[Some people have all the luck.]

How long were you dead?

[kaballin]

About twenty years.

And I was stuck in the fucking Netherrealm. I've missed twenty years of tv.

But more the not eating thing. That sucked.

[abheirrant]

Netherrealm?

[Also, what's tv?]

[kaballin]

Where the dead go in my world. Sorta.

And where the fucking asswipe sorcerer who turned me into that shit in the first place lived.

[abheirrant]

Is there a difference between sorcerers and necromancers in your world?

[kaballin]

Uh. Not really?

[There's a pause while he thinks about that. He's bored, he's willing to entertain Carlisle's questions.]

Necromancers raise the dead right. So sorcerers can do that but also a bunch of other shit too. Magic stuff.

There's two dickbags parading around Outworld with their sparkle powers. Quan Chi and Shang Tsung.

Quan Chi makes dead people into revenants. Shang Tsung rips out souls and

... Like... Turns into them? Sorta. This shit sounds real dumb now that I'm typing it out.