@KaballsDeep | Audio CW: Murder, Suicide, Kabal

[kaballin]

Hey assholes.

This is Kabal and I've got a proposition for you.

So I dunno how many of you were here right from the beginning like me, stuck in this place for fucking ever. Anyway, you know no one has died? People disappeared but no one's died.

Makes you wonder what happens to people when they do.

So in the interest of science and my amusement, I've got a prize for the first person to kill someone. I mean I guess you can off yourself too, but if you don't come back then you're screwed out of the prize, but you do you.

I've got a better phone than the shit we were given. It has games, these things: 🍆💦, a Geiger counter, music player. A bunch of other stuff. And it's yours if you prove you did the deed so we can see if they stay dead or turn into a zombie or who knows what else.

Don't have to kill anyone specific, but if it's Qubit I'll throw in a personal shield generator.

Oh and the robot samurai, two story tall lego sculpture and the light up metal ninja don't count. Gotta be a person.

Comments

text @iceicebaby

[hypothermic]

That's awfully prejudiced against beings composed of elemental materials.

They should have the right to a violent death along with the rest of us.

[kaballin]

Nah they're just freebies. Can use em for practice or something. And they can murder someone else and get a phone they probably don't need so they're not missing out.

[hypothermic]

Does that make you half a freebie, Mr. Iron-Lung

What do you get for 50% of a kill?

A fancy pager?

[kaballin]

Did pagers come in fancy?

If someone kills me they don't get nothing. But feel free to try. I'm bored.

[hypothermic]

No, but they come in important. Or so every man who owns a pager thinks.

Killing you might give someone same sense of accomplishment and do-goodery as picking up litter on a beach, but this place is already a dumpster.

Picking you off wouldn't do much to improve the scenery.

[kaballin]

You saying that killing me would be a public service?

I'm touched.

[hypothermic]

Is there a bigger bastard in this joint?

Minus the Cybertronian, who wins on technicality.

[kaballin]

Aw. I make that big an impression on you? You say the sweetest things.

[hypothermic]

Say 'sweet' in relation to me one more time, and I'll be playing with that device over your dead body.

[Said with a smile, from across the room. Yes these fools are texting each other from ten feet away.]

You're not a total slouch, as far as violent killers with a rap sheet go.

But I'm pretty sure my ex-partner's was longer.

[His rap sheet. Obviously.]

[kaballin]

Your words say 'threatening' and your eyes say something else entirely.

[He sees that look.]

That so? Quantity over quality? Sounds like I don't have anything to prove.

[Of said rap sheet.]

[hypothermic]

Do they? I'd ask what they say, but you might get confused and think I value your opinion.

After the gong-show of my last partnership, I'm not going to make the same mistake twice.

I'm the brain. You're the muscle.

So why don't you stop typing and bring that muscle over here.

[How much shit does a man have to talk to get some action?]

[kaballin]

Words hurt ice queen.

Sounds a little like YOU have something to prove. Maybe it's time for the brain to do some of the work.

[He ain't moving, but he sure is leering.]

[hypothermic]

Leave the bright ideas to the professionals, sweetheart.

You can come over now, or later. Either way we both know that you're gonna crack long before I do.

You burn hot, and I run cold.

[Had to get a pun in there somewhere.]

[kaballin]

That so? Have me all figured out huh?

Guess I'll overheat all by my lonesome.

[hypothermic]

Sure. Fry yourself like an egg. Wouldn't be the first time.

[That killer fever and subsequent ice-bath weren't so long ago, were they Kabal?]

Let me know when you're done and I'll grab the paprika.

And don't flop around too much. I like 'em over easy.

[kaballin]

Didn't think breaking something open and getting everywhere was your style.

[They are definitely talking about eggs.]

[vosseeker]

Winning is winning.

[hypothermic]

Congratulations.

Unscrew an arm and give yourself a pat on the back.

[vosseeker]

How about we remove one of your arms instead? I'm sure it'll go back on with little fuss.

[ He knows very well it won't. ]

[hypothermic]

I'm a human, not a barbie.

Though I appreciate the comparison.

That chick knows how to run an empire.

[vosseeker]

[ Yet again, Starscream is utterly clueless as to the reference. He used to berate Knock Out for showing so much interest in human culture but now he was thinking maybe he should have paid a little more attention. ]

I know how to run an empire.

[hypothermic]

Can you do it in heels?

[vosseeker]

Yes? What does that have to do with anything?

[hypothermic]

[That was not the answer he expected, but now that Len thinks on it... past the whole getting his chest filleted thing, Starscream does bear a passing resemblance to a two-storey titanium statue of Linda Evangelista.]

It means I hate you a little less.

You're welcome.

[vosseeker]

[ ?? Whatever, he'll take it. ]