redshiftrp | @KaballsDeep | Audio CW: Murder, Suicide, Kabal

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@KaballsDeep | Audio CW: Murder, Suicide, Kabal

Hey assholes.

This is Kabal and I've got a proposition for you.

So I dunno how many of you were here right from the beginning like me, stuck in this place for fucking ever. Anyway, you know no one has died? People disappeared but no one's died.

Makes you wonder what happens to people when they do.

So in the interest of science and my amusement, I've got a prize for the first person to kill someone. I mean I guess you can off yourself too, but if you don't come back then you're screwed out of the prize, but you do you.

I've got a better phone than the shit we were given. It has games, these things: 🍆💦, a Geiger counter, music player. A bunch of other stuff. And it's yours if you prove you did the deed so we can see if they stay dead or turn into a zombie or who knows what else.

Don't have to kill anyone specific, but if it's Qubit I'll throw in a personal shield generator.

Oh and the robot samurai, two story tall lego sculpture and the light up metal ninja don't count. Gotta be a person.

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How considerate. / Were these missing people killed, / or did they just leave?

[He can chat and make his way to the park at the same time. Multitasking!]

Missing. And we never found bodies so if they died someone ate them or did the bathtub full of lye thing and melted them.

[He's giving his swords one last sharpening. Sorta the murderous equivalent of adjusting his tie.]

Cannibalism? / That doesn't seem likely here, / these people are tame.

[Nothing like the folks back on Pandora, there isn't nearly enough blood or cool explosions here. Still, from what he understands about this place, simply walking out into the wilderness isn't really a viable option, so maybe someone did melt them in a bathtub? Ah well. Zer0 arrives at the agreed upon meeting zone and chills.]

Right? A bunch of lame squares.

[Aw, he likes you. Shame he's gonna do a murder. He saunters into the area all casual. Just two dudes about to fight to the death for fun. No big.]

Well don't you look all awesome and ninja-y.

[The lamest squares.

Zer0 greets Kabal with a holographic smiley, because that's how he rolls. Why thank you, he is all awesome and ninja-y.]

Thanks. I dig your mask. / Shall we set a few ground rules, / or just say 'screw it'?

Sure. What you have in mind?

Because I'm gonna let you know right off the bat that I probably won't remember.

[He pulls the hookswords off his back with a flourish because he's a show-off.]

But I'll take 'em under consideration.

[Oooo, fancy hookswords. Zer0's hologram changes to a :O because he is just. Delighted by these awful things.]

Hm, that's fair enough. / I don't have any hard 'no's, / ready when you are.

[He won't whip any guns out for this one, since Kabal seems to just have his neato hookswords. He's just gonna get his fancy laser sword ready in a way less show-offy fashion.]

Ready to go.

[Let the casual death match begin! He is a little pleased that Zer0 seems to have a sword. He hasn't fought anyone with a sword in.. a really long time. That'll be fun.

He charges forward, taking a swing. He's fully expecting Zer0 to dodge, and he's not going anywhere near full speed, just testing the waters a bit. ]

[The hologram briefly flashes into a :) before vanishing completely. Hell yes this is going to be a party.

He doesn't dodge the first swing, instead blocking it with his blade with relative ease. He can tell Kabal's just getting a feel for him, and Zer0's doing much of the same, just watching how Kabal moves and all that good shit.

After blocking Kabal's swing he knocks the blade aside and takes a stab towards Kabal's chest.]

[He dodges back with surprising speed for someone so big and bulky. Giving his swords a twirl he gestures to Zer0's.]

Not gonna lie, the light up sword looks pretty cool.

[Just one connoisseur to another. He could banter all day, but a fight is a fight and now that they've done their posturing it's time to get down to business. This time when he dashes forward he aims one of those hookswords down for Zer0's ankles, either to trip him to slice his feet clean off.

Either would work.]

[Banter is fun, but so is cleaving a man's skull open with a cool sword.

Zer0 chuckles at the compliment, because yes, his sword is super cool, and without missing a beat manages to leap over Kabal's blade. And over Kabal, doing a dope ninja flip. He lands behind him, whipping around and swinging horizontally at his back.]

[Sweet ninja shit bro. He digs it. Zer0 manages to put a nice slice through his jacket and nearly severs one of the tubes down from his mask to the respirator on his back. That's wouldn't be fun. But hey, that's the risk he takes having those things exposed like that, he has only himself to blame.

Guess it's serious business time. He darts forward, disappearing into a burst of purplish energy and reappearing a short distance behind Zer0, the speed of his dash actually causing a vortex that the ninja could get sucked into and sent for a spin if he's not careful.]

[Being quite noodly, being sucked into a weird vortex is actually a thing that Zer0 might just need to be concerned about. So, instead of trying to avoid it, he tries to just go with the flow and use it to his advantage somehow. While diving into this ridiculousness though, he activates his invisibility cloak and holographic decoy, hoping that Kabal chops into it instead of him while he tries to tuck and roll away from stabbinings.]

[Kabal gleefully slices and dices at the decoy, only realizing after its head should have gone rolling that this is probably not Zer0. He backs away from the wildly swinging clone, on edge and trying to figure out where the ninja went.]

Cute trick.

[As if he hadn't just basically broken physics in five different ways a few seconds before. He's seen some real bizarre stuff in all his time fighting, and he assumes that Zer0 must be invisible somewhere waiting to strike. Too bad he has no idea where. Hmf. He straightens up, eyes behind the mask darting around and trying to seek out any bit of movement.]

Running away already? We're just getting started.

[Zer0 hadn't expected this to be as entertaining as it is, but you know what, he's having a good time. A super good time, and Kabal's weirdo fighting abilities are really interesting to watch. So, Zer0's going to stay cloaked for just a bit longer, whipping a kunai at Kabal while he repositions himself behind him. It's not meant to hit Kabal dead on or anything, just distract him for a moment while Zer0 reappears behind him aiming to stab him in the spine.]

[Kabal's fast but he doesn't have any of those other fun ninja tricks like being able to hear the heartbeat of a hummingbird from 100 yards away, so he can't identify where that kunai came from other than over there somewhere. He darts to the side to avoid getting stabbed, but he's pretty sure Zer0 is tricksy enough to not be throwing something and staying right where he was to have a hooksword flying at his head.

Which means he's pretty much anywhere but there.

Time to find out where. One of the hookswords he tosses in the opposite direction of where the kunai came from, it tumbles end over end likes a bizarre sentient circular saw and then sits there spinning in place. Because environmental kills are fun!

Everyone could use some ninja smoothie.]

[Zer0 stops just short of zipping right into this thing, which is great when it comes to not dying in a really stupid way. It's not great for keeping in stealth mode, though, and he decloaks just inches away from this physics defying horseshit. He takes a second to stare at it, complete with holographic question mark popping up in front of his mask, but he's quick to resume a fighting stance.

If he survives this, he will totally ask Kabal how he did this cool trick.]

[Ah, there he is. Kabal charges towards him again, remaining hooksword aiming to wipe that uh... question mark off his... face. Helmet. In any case he's swinging it right for Zer0's head, as he reaches right into that physics defying horseshit while he speeds past and picks up his other sword like it's no big deal and he didn't just stick his hand into what's effectively a hovering blender.

This is all normal and fine. ]

You're not the only one with tricks up their sleeve.

[HOW DID YOUR FINGERS NOT JUST GET TORN THE FUCK OFF MAN that's fine this is normal and fine Zer0 can totally roll with this.]

Impressive display! / If I were to be killed here, / It would be worth it.

[He wouldn't even complain. Well, he might complain a little bit. There aren't any New-U stations around here that could respawn him and being perma-dead is super inconvenient.

Anyway, here come Kabal. Zer0 hops backwards to avoid taking a blade to the face. It barely nicks his helmet which makes it look even cooler for sure, but now he's a little off balance for whatever comes next, even if he does bring his sword up to potentially block it

Making me blush.

[Behind the mask. Somehow. Sure.

Every sword scratch adds character, that's just an undisputed fact. Kabal is really here to help out. What a swell guy.

He swings both swords together right at Zer0's torso, which is unfortunately blocked by his ~~very neato~~ light up sword. There's probably some cool sparks spraying off from the force of both of them slamming sharp metal objects against each other.]

Be a real shame if you don't come back, no one else is up for fighting.

[You seem a decent fellow, he'd maybe hate to kill you. Well not really a shame but he'd notice. Which for Kabal is a 9 on the scale of "gives a fuck."]

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@KaballsDeep | Audio CW: Murder, Suicide, Kabal

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