redshiftrp | @KaballsDeep | Audio CW: Murder, Suicide, Kabal

Hey assholes.

This is Kabal and I've got a proposition for you.

So I dunno how many of you were here right from the beginning like me, stuck in this place for fucking ever. Anyway, you know no one has died? People disappeared but no one's died.

Makes you wonder what happens to people when they do.

So in the interest of science and my amusement, I've got a prize for the first person to kill someone. I mean I guess you can off yourself too, but if you don't come back then you're screwed out of the prize, but you do you.

I've got a better phone than the shit we were given. It has games, these things: 🍆💦, a Geiger counter, music player. A bunch of other stuff. And it's yours if you prove you did the deed so we can see if they stay dead or turn into a zombie or who knows what else.

Don't have to kill anyone specific, but if it's Qubit I'll throw in a personal shield generator.

Oh and the robot samurai, two story tall lego sculpture and the light up metal ninja don't count. Gotta be a person.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Being quite noodly, being sucked into a weird vortex is actually a thing that Zer0 might just need to be concerned about. So, instead of trying to avoid it, he tries to just go with the flow and use it to his advantage somehow. While diving into this ridiculousness though, he activates his invisibility cloak and holographic decoy, hoping that Kabal chops into it instead of him while he tries to tuck and roll away from stabbinings.]

[Kabal gleefully slices and dices at the decoy, only realizing after its head should have gone rolling that this is probably not Zer0. He backs away from the wildly swinging clone, on edge and trying to figure out where the ninja went.]

Cute trick.

[As if he hadn't just basically broken physics in five different ways a few seconds before. He's seen some real bizarre stuff in all his time fighting, and he assumes that Zer0 must be invisible somewhere waiting to strike. Too bad he has no idea where. Hmf. He straightens up, eyes behind the mask darting around and trying to seek out any bit of movement.]

Running away already? We're just getting started.

[Zer0 hadn't expected this to be as entertaining as it is, but you know what, he's having a good time. A super good time, and Kabal's weirdo fighting abilities are really interesting to watch. So, Zer0's going to stay cloaked for just a bit longer, whipping a kunai at Kabal while he repositions himself behind him. It's not meant to hit Kabal dead on or anything, just distract him for a moment while Zer0 reappears behind him aiming to stab him in the spine.]

[Kabal's fast but he doesn't have any of those other fun ninja tricks like being able to hear the heartbeat of a hummingbird from 100 yards away, so he can't identify where that kunai came from other than over there somewhere. He darts to the side to avoid getting stabbed, but he's pretty sure Zer0 is tricksy enough to not be throwing something and staying right where he was to have a hooksword flying at his head.

Which means he's pretty much anywhere but there.

Time to find out where. One of the hookswords he tosses in the opposite direction of where the kunai came from, it tumbles end over end likes a bizarre sentient circular saw and then sits there spinning in place. Because environmental kills are fun!

Everyone could use some ninja smoothie.]

[Zer0 stops just short of zipping right into this thing, which is great when it comes to not dying in a really stupid way. It's not great for keeping in stealth mode, though, and he decloaks just inches away from this physics defying horseshit. He takes a second to stare at it, complete with holographic question mark popping up in front of his mask, but he's quick to resume a fighting stance.

If he survives this, he will totally ask Kabal how he did this cool trick.]

[Ah, there he is. Kabal charges towards him again, remaining hooksword aiming to wipe that uh... question mark off his... face. Helmet. In any case he's swinging it right for Zer0's head, as he reaches right into that physics defying horseshit while he speeds past and picks up his other sword like it's no big deal and he didn't just stick his hand into what's effectively a hovering blender.

This is all normal and fine. ]

You're not the only one with tricks up their sleeve.

[HOW DID YOUR FINGERS NOT JUST GET TORN THE FUCK OFF MAN that's fine this is normal and fine Zer0 can totally roll with this.]

Impressive display! / If I were to be killed here, / It would be worth it.

[He wouldn't even complain. Well, he might complain a little bit. There aren't any New-U stations around here that could respawn him and being perma-dead is super inconvenient.

Anyway, here come Kabal. Zer0 hops backwards to avoid taking a blade to the face. It barely nicks his helmet which makes it look even cooler for sure, but now he's a little off balance for whatever comes next, even if he does bring his sword up to potentially block it

Making me blush.

[Behind the mask. Somehow. Sure.

Every sword scratch adds character, that's just an undisputed fact. Kabal is really here to help out. What a swell guy.

He swings both swords together right at Zer0's torso, which is unfortunately blocked by his ~~very neato~~ light up sword. There's probably some cool sparks spraying off from the force of both of them slamming sharp metal objects against each other.]

Be a real shame if you don't come back, no one else is up for fighting.

[You seem a decent fellow, he'd maybe hate to kill you. Well not really a shame but he'd notice. Which for Kabal is a 9 on the scale of "gives a fuck."]

@KaballsDeep | Audio CW: Murder, Suicide, Kabal

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