@KaballsDeep | Audio CW: Murder, Suicide, Kabal

[kaballin]

Hey assholes.

This is Kabal and I've got a proposition for you.

So I dunno how many of you were here right from the beginning like me, stuck in this place for fucking ever. Anyway, you know no one has died? People disappeared but no one's died.

Makes you wonder what happens to people when they do.

So in the interest of science and my amusement, I've got a prize for the first person to kill someone. I mean I guess you can off yourself too, but if you don't come back then you're screwed out of the prize, but you do you.

I've got a better phone than the shit we were given. It has games, these things: 🍆💦, a Geiger counter, music player. A bunch of other stuff. And it's yours if you prove you did the deed so we can see if they stay dead or turn into a zombie or who knows what else.

Don't have to kill anyone specific, but if it's Qubit I'll throw in a personal shield generator.

Oh and the robot samurai, two story tall lego sculpture and the light up metal ninja don't count. Gotta be a person.

Comments

[itsnotaonesie]

That is far from my only concern, Kabal.

I actually do want to see if this place has an actual morgue, though. Just, as a side note, I guess.

[kaballin]

To do autopsies or whatever? There's gotta be something. Like a lab with a big fridge. There were a shit ton of people they had to have died sometimes. Unless they found a way to become immortal.

[itsnotaonesie]

I mean, I'm pretty sure that they're all dead just judging by the fact that nobody else is here.

[kaballin]

Well they're dead now, but they lived here for a while to build all this shit. Probably some of 'em got old enough to die of natural causes.

Not looking forward to that at all.

[itsnotaonesie]

Natural causes on this planet probably includes radiation poisoning and mutation. So yeah, I guess I'm not looking forward to that either.

[kaballin]

If you grow some more arms you can take more notes. Think positive.

[itsnotaonesie]

I don't wanna lean that hard into the spider motif. Plus with my luck, I'd probably just end up growing more legs. I'd be the best at kicking, but not good for much else.

[kaballin]

Where's your imagination? Might be the best at stomping grapes for wine the world has ever seen!

[itsnotaonesie]

True, but no. I am perfectly happy with the number of arms and legs I currently have.

[kaballin]

Then I guess we better hope all that radiation outside doesn't get in here.

You know this phone I'm giving away has a detector for that shit. Annoyingly beeps when levels are high. Should you wanna cash in on this little challenge.

[itsnotaonesie]

Right, right, back to the actually important stuff. So, I am interested in that, but I'm not going to participate in your murderthon to get it. I doubt the other eggheads would be too into it either, but I am willing to first ask nicely if I can see it, and then take it from you if that doesn't work.

[kaballin]

Are you threatening me? That's adorable.

Look I already gave you the shield thing for free, I'm not a charity and you're not a starving puppy in a commercial with sad music. Gotta have a little more than please and thank you.

[itsnotaonesie]

I will fist fight you in the name of science, Kabal. Do not tempt me.

[kaballin]

I almost want to make you do that just to see it.

But you're gonna have to fistfight whoever wins this thing. I don't have a secret cache of phones or anything.

[itsnotaonesie]

See, I'm banking on people not being ridiculous enough to murder for funsies.

[kaballin]

You've met these people right? You think some of them wouldn't kill their own mothers for $20 and a ride out of this place?

[itsnotaonesie]

Not anybody I hang out with. Am I just somehow missing all the crazy shit?

[kaballin]

You really think the twenty foot tall robot wouldn't just squash you for fun?

[itsnotaonesie]

The twenty foot tall robot and I get along pretty well, actually. Besides, I can take him if he starts shit.

[kaballin]

If you throw him through a wall can I watch?