@KaballsDeep | Audio CW: Murder, Suicide, Kabal

[kaballin]

Hey assholes.

This is Kabal and I've got a proposition for you.

So I dunno how many of you were here right from the beginning like me, stuck in this place for fucking ever. Anyway, you know no one has died? People disappeared but no one's died.

Makes you wonder what happens to people when they do.

So in the interest of science and my amusement, I've got a prize for the first person to kill someone. I mean I guess you can off yourself too, but if you don't come back then you're screwed out of the prize, but you do you.

I've got a better phone than the shit we were given. It has games, these things: 🍆💦, a Geiger counter, music player. A bunch of other stuff. And it's yours if you prove you did the deed so we can see if they stay dead or turn into a zombie or who knows what else.

Don't have to kill anyone specific, but if it's Qubit I'll throw in a personal shield generator.

Oh and the robot samurai, two story tall lego sculpture and the light up metal ninja don't count. Gotta be a person.

Comments

[vosseeker]

[ It says something that Starscream actually considers the validity of the offer for about half a second. ]

No. Where would you even get a cement mixer, anyway?

[kaballin]

They poured the floor for this place somehow didn't they? Probably a bunch of shit hidden somewhere. We keep finding new rooms and hallways and stuff.

[vosseeker]

[ Starscream's heard about the new discoveries, but a lot of them are too small for him to fit in and thus explore. ]

A wash rack looks somewhat like the decontamination showers here, only larger.

[kaballin]

Gotcha. Nothing like that yet, but I'll keep an eye out.

[You're worth more money when taken apart if shiny and clean.]

So is that a yes to maybe chucking someone into going splat?

[vosseeker]

That depends on whether I decide to overlook that remark about not qualifying as a person.

[kaballin]

For purposes of my little experiment you don't. If someone kills you that doesn't tell me anything I need to know about me.

But you're totally free to kill some squishy human and claim the prize.

[vosseeker]

I'll consider it.

[ You're not making much of a sale, Kabal. He might just wait and see how it plays out with the others. ]

[kaballin]

Sounds like a plan.

To be honest I'm not getting many takers. Might have to do it myself.

[vosseeker]

Perhaps you need to learn how to properly motivate those you wish to use.

[kaballin]

I'm already offering a prize! What more do you ingrates want?

[vosseeker]

A generic prize. If you want to incentivize people, you have to discover what they really want.

[kaballin]

That sounds like work. I didn't sign up to give inspirational murder speeches.

[vosseeker]

That much is obvious.

[kaballin]

I don't see you doing anything to help out.

[vosseeker]

Oh, have we reached the helping stage with on another? This is news to me, Kabal.

[kaballin]

Hey I'm risking my neck with some sandworms to get you whatever the fuck is out there. Least you can do is help out. You know, for my mental well-being.

[vosseeker]

Somehow I doubt your mental state is high on your list of concerns. Or on anyone's list of concerns.

[kaballin]

Wow. That cuts deep.

I'm just doing my part for the good of the community here.

[vosseeker]

I'm certain you'll survive my witticism, Kabal.

[ But maybe not his claws, if their little alliance goes sideways later on. ]

Somehow, I doubt the others see it as such.

[kaballin]

Genius is never appreciated in its time.