redshiftrp | @Pratt

Maybe, yeah. This kinda thing is nowhere near my area of expertise, so whatever you think is best? Like, yes, let's do that.

[There might be junk in the labs that Peter can help out with, but farming and animals were someone else's job. Because city boy.]

I would argue that it very well could have been thousands of years, just looking at how screwed up the animals are? But the rest of the place isn't that bad. I haven't been able to pull anything useful from the computers by way of dates? So uh. Still trying to solve that puzzle.

Finally being from Montana is good for something.

[Look at him using his skills appropriately.]

Wouldn't it be all decayed? You know, more than it is. And our phone things are connecting and there's power. But I don't know how any of that works. I had fucking satellite internet back home. It was awful.

[You know how long RedTube takes to load up on satellite internet? Forever]

Dude, your Montana skills are way more useful here than my New York skills.

[Just sayin'. Weaving between tourists who are blocking the sidewalks isn't a very useful skill to have here.]

Man ever since I got stuck in Hadriel, I just don't assume that I know how or why anything works anymore. Satellite internet though, that's brutal.

[Okay but what if they get space tourists who are on a space cruise who start taking pictures of everything in Anchor?]

It took me about three days to download the latest Call of Duty: Black Ops. I just watched it go up 1% every 20 minutes.

[No one has suffered as he, an Xbox gamer, has suffered.]

I still don't understand how electricity worked in Hadriel. There weren't even any wires.

[If that happens we're stealing their space cruise ship and LEAVING.]

On one hand that sucks, so bad. On the other, it was probably just like the previous like thirty Call of Duty games, so you probably weren't missing out too much.

[To be honest though he hasn't played a video game in like A YEAR he would totally play the shit out of a CoD right now.]

Magic. Just. Hadriel ran on magic and bullshit.

Yeah but once the new one comes out no one plays the old ones anymore.

[How will he assert dominance over 12-year olds without being able to teabag their corpses in multiplayer?]

Mostly bullshit. At least this place has like.. wires and generators and stuff sorta makes sense? For being in space or whatever.

Fair enough, you got me there.

[That's not very sportsmanlike of you, deputy]

This place is already like a hundred times better than Hadriel, at least as far as the tech goes. I can work with this. I can't work with people screwing with my emotions all the time.

[He's a teenager, he already doesn't know what he's doing with his emotions okay.]

I know this is me being pessimistic like I always am, but maybe they just haven't done that yet. We haven't been here that long.

But I am going to say that being inside is kinda nice. And I'm not wearing terrible Hawaiian shirts. So there's positives.

[Not wearing Hawaiian shirts yet anyway]

Okay, one, don't jinx us. Those gods or whatever aren't even here and I don't want this place's shitty portal thing to bring them here.

Two, those terrible Hawaiian shirts were my favorite and if I find any I'm giving them to you.

[And he 100% expects Pratt to wear them OK]

Eugh. Forget I said anything. That would be terrible.

What why? I haven't done anything to you! I thought we were cool.

[Come on man, he hates those things.]

It would be, but maybe we'd be able to lock them outside with the radioactive mutants. And I'm kidding, I would totally keep those shirts for myself. Unless they didn't fit me, I guess.

[BUT THEY WERE SO COLORFUL and they almost made Pratt seem less depressing. Almost.]

I haven't even looked for clothes. Maybe they have crazy future stuff. We can all be wearing plastic like in Fifth Element.

[He needs some extreme floral print + tiedye + smiley shovel for him to seem anything but depressing. Rolling over from under the bench, the wolf yawns, showing off a whole mouth of sharp teeth before getting up and wandering around to sniff things.]

Maybe I can get her to find us some new clothes so we don't have to do laundry all the time. That's pretty specific though.

God, I hope not. I don't think I could really pull off the rubber orange suspenders.

[No see what Pratt really needs is a dope Ruby Rhod get up. That'd cheer him up.

Well maybe it would just cheer Peter up, but it still counts.]

And I don't think wolves work that way. Maybe whoever was here before left a bunch of stuff behind, though.

That'd be one hell of a look.

[Wow. No.]

Maybe. But it's probably as rotted as the food. I kinda don't understand, it's supposed to be a future space station right? But it sorta looks like a mall.

[Well, it looks like the mall from Destiny anyway. Not like any mall in Montana.]

She's pretty smart, she can find guns and animals and stuff, clothes might be an option. Though she might also find us anything made of fabric.

Maybe if they weren't orange.

[But are you SURE though]

Like a mall after a zombie outbreak, maybe. And fabric might... still be useful? Maybe if I knew anyone that knew how to sew here.

More of a blue plastic suspenders kind of guy?

[yeah no. Bury him in his 70 Hawaiian shirts and leave him to die.]

Aren't malls the best place to be during the zombie apocalypse? Malls or maybe a Costco. Food and clothing and stuff.

[He kneels down next to the wolf stroking her ears for a bit before patting her shoulder.]

Clothes. Go find clothes.

[The wolf obediently trots off, nose to the ground.]

Or red. I could probably pull off red.

But you've seen the movies, right? The zombies always manage to find a way in. What you wanna do is find a climate where the zombies decay faster.

...But I can breakdown my zombie plan some other time.

[Because he is now fascinated by the fact that this wolf apparently understood that order. WHAT.]

You know now that I think about it, do they ever win in zombie movies? Other than Shawn of the Dead where he ends up keeping his friend in a shed with a tv cuz he got zombified. I guess that's kind of winning.

But in most of them there's no happy ending.

[He starts following Princess Thug, because she has caught the scent of something. With a happy yowl she leads them to... A sack of canvas scraps. She tried.]

Yeah, I... I mean, I guess that does count as a win, if you think about it. Those movies are super unrealistic, though. I mean, bead body-wise. They're always like, fresh corpses? And that's not scary. You never see zombies anywhere near the putrefaction stage of decomposition. Something like that coming at me, just gooshing everywhere would be way freakier than- Y'know what. I need to stop.

[Please stop talking about zombies Peter oh my god just follow the wolf and stop being a little weirdo.

~~So THAT'S what happened to Bethesda's Fallout 76 bag canvas~~]

Aw. Well. It's almost clothes. Good job, Princess Thug.

If they decay that much can they still walk? Won't they fall apart?

[She did her best and Pratt kneels down to give her some love.]

I'm so not naming her Princess Thug.

[he just said he needed to stop AND YET]

I mean, eventually yeah. But there's like a window of maybe a couple weeks where they could still get around before their muscles and tendons break down too much.

Also Princess Thug is the best name and that's her name now.

[He's joking. BUT IS HE??]

So you can win any zombie outbreak by just lasting for a year and then they all decay and you're safe again?

That sure would have made the Walking Dead a really boring show.

[He gathers up the ~~remains of the Fallout 76 bags~~ canvas scraps because hey, they might be useful later.]

I haven't named her yet, but that's not it.

I mean, probably? I've never actually been in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, but I'm pretty sure that would be a good way to survive it. Just wait it out. Probably wouldn't last more than... I'll say maybe a month.

[we can make like. potato sacks out of them??? I mean the sky's the limit.]

It's like the perfect name. See, she likes it. Don't you, Princess Thug?

[DOES SHE LIKE IT]

[She does, going over to sniff at Peter. She doesn't have a tail to wag but her butt definitely gives the indication she would be wagging if she could. Traitor.]

That might be useful in case of you know.. space zombies.

[Isn't that the plot of Doom? They need some real big guns.]

Well we've got all the canvas bits we could want. Maybe we can make some rope?

[Oh my god she's doing the BUTT WIGGLE. Peter is delighted, and gives Princess Thug some very good ear scratches.

Doom had more Literal Hell in it and also rocket launcher skeletons.]

I'm not sure what good a bunch of rope would do us, but who knows? Maybe we can set some traps for the space zombies.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject