video;

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

Do you know that plants respond to being threatened?

[Apropos of nothing, Crowley is here to give everyone horticulture advice.]

Honestly. Go and look at the apple trees and see if you can tell which one I've been talking to. I'll give you a tip - it's not daring to let the other ones outshine it. That's science right there.

Comments

[Video]

[uptogood]

Crowley.

[ Unbelievable.

Or, well, not really unbelievable, he supposes. Demon. He's still going to look displeased, though. ]

I knew it. Your plants back in London did shake when I wore your face.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

[Wait. Crap.]

I can't believe you're so offended for the sake of some vegetation.

[uptogood]

[ Crowley did you really think this through.

But, yes, he is in fact protective even of plants. At the end of the day, it's very tame compared to most demons, but really? Is it necessary? ]

It's mean.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

I'm a demon.

[Crowley that cannot be your excuse for everything. What comes out of his mouth next is a straight-up lie.]

I'm not nice.

[uptogood]

Do you know what I think, Crowley?

[ He pauses for all of the fraction of a section. Not actually looking for a response. ]

I think you're mean to plants because you're too nice to be mean to humans or animals.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

[SPLUTTER]

That's ridiculous.

[That's ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.]

You don't know what you're saying.

[uptogood]

Oh, yes, of course, I couldn't possibly. Not after 6000 years. Silly me.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

Ngk.

[Grumble.

Look.

No one knows him better than Aziraphale does, it's true, and it remains true no matter which 'version' of Aziraphale happens to be in question. That doesn't mean that he likes to hear it.]

I could be, if I wanted to.

[uptogood]

I wonder ...

[ He highly doubts Crowley could do it even if he wanted to, never mind the fact that he doesn't want to either. ]

But I'm glad you have something to keep you busy.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

... I'm not actually hurting it, you know.

[Not that he cares if he was! Just, you know, he doesn't want Aziraphale to worry.

That's all.]

[uptogood]

[ His face softens. ]

No, I don't imagine it would grow if you were.

video;

[vosseeker]

[ Starscream looks supremely unimpressed by this supposed revelation. ]

Most things perform better when threatened, haven't you ever had to manage subordinates?

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

No, never. Honestly I've always tried to avoid it.

[Leadership really isnt Crowley's thing. Being a subordinate isn't, either, but he really never had the choice in that.]

[vosseeker]

[ sarcastically: ] That certainly adds context to your brilliant deduction.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

What deduction? It's empirical evidence. I've seen it work. I don't need to have had a bunch of lackeys to yell at to understand that.

[vosseeker]

Perhaps not, but it does add an element of enjoyment to the process.

[ Starscream's management style... interesting. ]

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

[Hah.]

You'd like my old boss, I bet. Had the same kind of attitude.

[vosseeker]

You mean, expecting subordinates to demonstrate a bare modicum of competency? How thrilling.

[video; un: bearly.bewitched]

[birdical]

Do not be cruel to the trees. They do not deserve it.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

How do you know? None of us know what they've been doing.

[birdical]

They cannot move from where they are born. You may walk away.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

Lack of mobility doesn't have any impact on a being's morality, you know.

[birdical]

It only speaks of yours.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

Oh, you can't make me feel bad by appealing to my better nature. I don't have one.

[birdical]

Tell me your nature, then.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

I'm a demon. Sure you can fill in the rest.

[birdical]

What is a demon?

[Apparently not.]

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

[You know, he should have expected that one day he would come up against this kind of question... but he's still surprised by it.]

Where I come from, the humans are in the middle - on Earth. The good things are Up, and the bad things are Down. I'm one of the bad things.

[birdical]

You are... underground.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

Eh, yes and no.

[He shrugs.]

You're not finding us by going digging with a shovel or anything.

@Pratt | Voice

[theweakhavepurpose]

That doesn't really work you know.

But I guess better to yell at trees than people.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

No, see, it absolutely does work. The apple tree is a prime example of it.

[He's only been doing it for decades.]

And you don't need to yell. Good threats don't require raising your voice.

text;

[treadswater]

It's a lazy captain who relies on threats.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

Just as well I never held any military rank, then.

[audio | @SCARAMOUCHE]

[numerouno]

What's next, the pillars? What about the walls?

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

If I thought they'd respond to the encouragement I might try it, but I'm sure you understand that walls aren't actually alive.

[numerouno]

[To parrot what was said in the post, and in a bored monotone:]

That's science, right?

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

If you want to call it that. Don't think any effort's gone into studying whether nor not walls are conscious.

[He knows they say 'walls have ears' but he doesn't think that's what they mean.]

[numerouno]

No better time than now to start, babe.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

[Snrk.]

If you're interested in the sapience of Anchor's walls you be my guest. I'll stick with the plants.

[numerouno]

You like talkin' to things that don't talk back, don't you, babe?

[Do it yourself, in other words.]