redshiftrp | @Pratt

[ Ben gets that Pratt's probably smiling mostly because he's thinking about his wolf companion, and clearly there is a lot of affection between them. But still, after a decade and a half of no one being able to see or hear him, never interacting with anyone apart from his brother... being even tangentially responsible for making someone smile is a really, really nice feeling. He's going to have to try to do that again. With Pratt, and others, too. Ben had forgotten how much he liked making people smile.

And he has that brief moment of feeling really glad he'd answered this man's messages and brought him chips, because he's looking after this animal and trying to undo shitty training from a shitty person. And then, in his attempt to make sure nothing would happen to endanger this change for the better, Ben makes a big mistake.

The change in Pratt is immediate and devastating. He looks so scared and Ben wants to jump back in time, to take back the question. Finding out the answer is still important - even more important now that he sees how intensely even the possibility seems to be fucking Pratt up. But he could find other ways of doing that rather than just asking.

In the soothing voice he is so used to using when Klaus is having a bad trip or a flashback or generally panicking, Ben interrupts Pratt's spiraling: ]

Whoa, whoa- let's slow down, okay? We can find out. I'm certain there are ways we can find out for sure, even though he probably isn't here like you said, and then you'll know. And the only reason I asked is 'cause, if he were - and I'm not saying he is! But if he ever did turn up, I asked because I'm good at taking care of monsters.

Edited 2019-07-21 22:42 (UTC)

[Pratt's agitation has alerted the wolf who jumps up onto the bench to sit next to him. He reaches out a hand to bury in her fur to ground himself because he didn't realize that just the thought of Jacob showing up again would mess him up quite this bad.]

Right. Yeah that's.. I think we'd know.

He'd probably have made some broadcast on the network about hunting me down by now. And he hasn't so.. then he's probably not here.

[Pratt swallows hard, eyeing Ben.]

Yeah?

[ Ben tenses when the wolf wakes up and comes closer, thinking at first that she somehow knows Ben said something to upset Pratt, that she will retaliate for that. He'd said she was more intelligent than usual wolves, after all, and Ben doesn't know how far that might extend.

But instead she just sits by Pratt, and Ben watches the man using her to anchor himself. He recognizes that's what is happening, and his mood shifts to gratitude. He may have been through situations similar to this with his brother, but that's different. Ben knows Klaus. He knows how to help him, what to say, what sets him off, what memories he can get lost in. Pratt is still a stranger. ]

Exactly. The Anchor isn't that big and there aren't that many of us. It'd be super hard for someone to go completely unnoticed.

[ Hunt him down? Jesus. This guy sounds like an absolute nutcase. Ben doesn't know what Pratt might have done to get himself in the capital-s-Sinner category (that was who he said Jacob hunted right?), but he doesn't need to know. He has stumbled into this very private thing, this fear that gripped Pratt so suddenly, and now Ben just wants to protect him. So he doesn't lie, or shift the subject. ]

Yeah.

[ Ben's gaze is steady; not boastful, not aggressive, but calm. Certain, with a hint of melancholy in it. Ben's not invincible, but he has a realistic grasp of his own ability to kill. This Jacob Seed guy might have a lot of skills, maybe even powers, but Ben could probably take him down. If it came to it. ]

... You don't need to be afraid of me. But if anyone like him shows up or- or anybody in this place starts hurting people, and they won't stop... they do.

Yeah. I haven't explored all of it, but it's not that big for someone to hide for very long. At least not if they want to eat.

[Which may or may not be a problem for Jacob, starvation was his favorite torture technique and he'd done a lot of it himself. He might have trained himself to go for inhuman amounts of time without food for all Pratt knows. It wouldn't surprise him anyway. But just the thought that there was less of a chance for him to be here is doing a lot to put Pratt at ease.]

How do you know I'm not a monster too?

[Because there are definitely days that Pratt dwells on all he's done and thinks that maybe he is. Maybe he deserved this. Maybe Jacob was right]

Mhm. And you know, I've been thinking... some kind of official welcome and registration, near that place we all got decontaminated and whatever... that way we could catalogue who shows up. In case any friends or, yeah, enemies arrive.

[ It isn't a plan Ben had been thinking about before literally this moment as he's speaking, but he backdates the idea in order to pretend it isn't just in response to Pratt's panic. It is a good idea regardless, Ben thinks. Pratt having such an unexpectedly strong reaction is just what suggested it to him. But the fact is he is going to want to know if any of his siblings show up. Or his dad, or this Jacob, or a well-known serial killer or something.

Ben doesn't just tell Pratt that he knows he isn't a monster. Maybe it would be easy and reassuring, but it wouldn't be true. He taps his chin, a small furrow forming between his brows. Slowly, he says: ]

That's a good question. I don't, yet.

[ Ben folds his arms over his chest, balancing his desire to be honest with his realistic worry that telling the full truth might fully freak Pratt out again. Ben knows he is a frightening creature. He doesn't want to terrify Pratt any more, now that he did it once unintentionally. But at the same time, he wants to respect him enough to really consider the question. ]

Part of it depends how you define monster. You might think I was a monster, if you knew more about me. I've- [ A pause, as Ben bites the inside of his lip and considers his words ] -had some shitty training I'm undoing, too.

[ The implication, there, if Pratt draws it out, is that there are similarities between himself and the wolf, who had been trained by a monster to kill. Which is not, after all, an entirely inaccurate description of how Ben was raised. Pratt isn't afraid of the wolf, though. So perhaps... he won't flee from Ben outright, even now that he's suggested this thing about himself. ]

And for what it's worth, I suspect you're not a monster. I'm not certain, of course, but-

[ A longer pause. Ben's face has gone still and unreadable. There is discomfort, though, in his body language: he shifts his weight from foot to foot, gives away some level of inner anxiety through the self-soothing gesture of rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. ]

-I've. In my experience. You can tell a lot about a person. By how they treat animals.

[ And Ben looks at the wolf who had moved in close when Pratt was upset, who had been willing to sleep next to him before, calm and easy in his presence. From the sound of it, Jacob was someone who was cruel to animals, and cruel to other humans as well. Ben knows, intimately, that those two things often go hand in hand. ]

[He stares in surprise before looking away. Some of that hits a little too close to home. 'Shitty training' yeah, that's one way he could put it about himself as well. His fingers find some of the patchiness in the wolf's fur, areas where the serum had made it fall out, places where she was scarred and it didn't grow anymore.]

Some people see animals as a tool, a means to an end.

[He pats her side as she jumps down and goes to sniff Ben's feet.]

Shitty training huh? Yeah I've... I can understand that. It sorta gets better. With time.

[That's about the most optimistic he's been in months. Being in this place is like a second second chance at atonement and getting his shit back together for however long he has before he inevitably goes back to right where he was before he left.

Strapped to a chair and hours from death.]

I've been a monster. But I'm not much of anything anymore.

[ Ben stays perfectly still as the wolf sniffs at him; she still makes him a little nervous. Not so much now because she's a wolf and he thinks she will attack, but what if she can smell that there is something off about him? Something not entirely human? So he just freezes and lets her get as good a smell as she wants, and hopes the smells from the places he's been in the Anchor will be distracting enough. ]

You can?

[ He doesn't mean to say it aloud; the words just slip out. Not because he doesn't believe Pratt, but because... well, it's not often Ben meets anyone who has experiences similar to his own. There has always been this gulf, between him and his siblings and everyone else. Even the ones whose lives were shitty, they were usually shitty in such different ways that it felt impossible to relate, bridge that gulf.

Ben wonders, but absolutely does not say out loud, if Jacob was involved here, too. That's not something to just ask somebody. He's not going to go poking at any more wounds intentionally, thanks. He just... files this away, for later. And wonders. ]

It does. Most days anyway.

[ Ben does have a brief, slightly nauseous moment when a little voice in the back of his head whispers that it only gets better if you deal with it, and being dead has given him a very good excuse all these years to not deal with his bullshit. Instead he kept himself busy with Klaus's addiction and worrying about his other siblings and trying to do what he can to keep all them safe. Just so he doesn't have to look at himself, at all. But he shoves that thought aside. ]

I don't know about that. [ Ben doesn't dispute that he has been a monster. At least not directly. Maybe once he knows the guy better he will ask what he meant, and then decide for himself. For now, though, he focuses on the latter half of that statement. ] You're the first guy I ever met from Montana. You're um, a deputy. You're a guy with a wolf. A guy who really digs Doritos. That's not nothing.

[ He hasn't exactly got a rich well of details to draw from here but he works with what he's learned already. ]

And the rest you get to decide for yourself.

Yeah. Believe me I can relate.

[He doesn't elaborate, and he's not going to unless prompted. Instead he snaps his fingers, calling the wolf away from where she's pressing her snout into Ben's ankles. It seems he smells interesting and she thinks shoving her nose into his leg will make the sniffs all the better.]

Don't make me the Montana ambassador. I'm not cut out for that. Can't really sell you on the hunting and fishing and hang gliding if you're never gonna be able to see it because we're stuck here.

[He snorts at that, shaking his head.]

Get to try and fuck up shit for myself you mean. I'm sure I'll get to that in a few days when we're all starting to go stir crazy in here.

Don't worry. In case you couldn't tell, I'm not really the huntin' and fishin' type.

[ And Ben gives a little sardonic gesture to himself, though it would be hard to say exactly what the joke is about - his appearance, his clothing, his demeanor... any one of them don't really fit in with the stereotype of someone who would really enjoy the outdoorsy Montana activities Pratt mentioned.

Ben sticks his hands into his pockets, giving a shrug. It's possible they will all go stir crazy in a bit. But... ]

So far, stuck here's not any worse than stuck where I came from. [ A beat, as Ben decides whether or not he's going to add what he adds a moment later: ] Actually, it's better. I'm alive, here.

[ So... there's that. ]

I'm pretty sure fucking up's a necessary part of it. But I'd rather... fuck up figuring out who I am on my own than be flawless at... at being someone else's perfect tool.

[ It's not exactly hope Ben is offering, but the idea that freedom is better even if it means making your own mistakes. That had taken him a few years, to actually believe. ]

It's kind of relaxing. Fishing is I mean, hunting isn't really. You just sit there and watch the wind in the trees and the ripples in the lake and don't have to think about problems or work or life or much of anything.

[Pratt looks down at the wolf, stroking her ears before she wanders off to go sniff something else, patrolling around them.]

I'm dying back home. Not even conscious anymore. So this is a whole hell of a lot better - but I still wouldn't call it good.

[His head shoots up at that last part,

You're a tool. Nothing more. Some day you'll understand that. Some day they'll all understand that. Know. Your. Place. Deputy Pratt.

His eyes narrow, suddenly suspicious.]

Who's tool?

I feel like you could get all of that by just going to a lake. No need to get any hooks or worms involved.

[ To Ben's surprise, not only does Pratt accept that Ben is not alive, in the world that he came from, but adds that he is similar. Well, not quite. Not dead, but dying. And actually... yeah, that's worse. Ben's had fourteen years to deal with the actual dying part. Or, if not to deal with it, to find a way to not think about it and keep going. But Pratt had come here from right at that moment?

The worry and sympathy are written clearly on Ben's face, and he gives a small, solemn nod of acknowledgement. Neither of them have anything much to look forward to going back to. ]

Sorry to hear that.

[ He wonders whether it might be related, to some of what they'd been talking about, or half-talking about. But Ben knows better than to take a confession like that and demand more information. Hopefully, there will be another time for them to talk about this. Hopefully he will be able to offer... comfort, support, solidarity, whatever he can. Whatever might help.

Ben gets that Pratt is looking at him a little side-eyed, but he isn't really sure what's caused it, or if he's maybe misinterpreting. It's so strange, talking to new people. People who aren't his family. Anger, fear, suspicion, craftiness, sadness, curiosity - they all look a little different on different people.

He rubs the back of his neck. It's not that he's unwilling to give the answer, he just... can't help but be self-conscious of how it might sound. Ben has always been painfully self-conscious of how others perceive him. And this one is... there's no way to phrase it that doesn't scream 'yikes.'

But he isn't going to lie. ]

...My. Dad.

[ It will sound like he has some immature grudge he hasn't grown out of, now. Like he's talking about the usual butting-heads of a family that all love one another underneath, but have bubbling resentments that are inescapable. It doesn't sound like video cameras in every room, experiments, electrodes in place every night for bed, like training him to kill, like the manipulation and dehumanization and misery of it all. ]

Looking at a lake doesn't also get you dinner. Clean your fish, wrap 'em in foil and then you can have a bonfire to cook them. Watch the flames against the night sky. That's actually the best part of Montana. Big Sky Country. More stars then you think is possible.

[He sounds more than a little nostalgic. Homesick for a place where he's busily dying - but he can't help it. For the first 20 something years of his life he'd absolutely loved it.]

Oh. That sucks.

[He deflates a little, some of the weird tension building in his spine evaporating. He's not sure what exactly has set him on edge - probably the fact that they're so similar that it's bringing up bad memories. But he's actually a little proud of himself that he's managed to have a conversation for more than fifteen minutes with someone who doesn't think he's a complete fucking mess.

Yet.]

Guess it's good to get away from .. that.

[Whatever THAT is.]

That... actually does sound great.

[ Ben had been joking before but now it does sting, a little, thinking that he won't ever have a day like that. Freedom, an open sky... Even if being alive here has been wonderful, the Anchor is a closed space. The options here are limited and there is no point in denying it. He'd never had that kind of freedom when he was alive on Earth, and being a ghost made it hard to enjoy most things.

But it's nice, in a slightly sad way, to hear the way Pratt talks about it. To imagine what it would be like to love a place in that way. ]

Yeah.

[ Ben could tell Pratt he'd been away, in a way, from his father for a long time. He could mention his brothers were here and it meant more to have THEM finally free of his shadow. He could even mention the fact that his dad had been a monster, too, but that he'd killed himself just a few short weeks ago. But the thing about the all the fucked up family stuff is that there's no good place to start and besides, it is not something anyone wants to hear, probably. Just sordid, awful, depressing, boring garbage. So he shifts his weight from foot to foot, awkwardness radiating from him as he just lets that conversation drop without offering up anything more.

But despite that, and his slip by asking about Jacob, when Pratt and Ben say their goodbyes, he walks away feeling more good than bad. He'd connected with someone. Talked to them, gotten through it. And Pratt seemed to not completely hate him, so far at least, and that's... well it's something to celebrate, even if it is tiny. ]

@Pratt

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