@Pratt

[theweakhavepurpose]

Since we're all asking for shit on the network... Has anyone seen any Doritos in any of the vending machines?

Specifically Cool Ranch but I'll take anything.

I don't have anything to trade unless you want to pet a wolf. Free wolf pets for Doritos. Sounds fair.

Comments

[benhargreeves]

[ Ben stays perfectly still as the wolf sniffs at him; she still makes him a little nervous. Not so much now because she's a wolf and he thinks she will attack, but what if she can smell that there is something off about him? Something not entirely human? So he just freezes and lets her get as good a smell as she wants, and hopes the smells from the places he's been in the Anchor will be distracting enough. ]

You can?

[ He doesn't mean to say it aloud; the words just slip out. Not because he doesn't believe Pratt, but because... well, it's not often Ben meets anyone who has experiences similar to his own. There has always been this gulf, between him and his siblings and everyone else. Even the ones whose lives were shitty, they were usually shitty in such different ways that it felt impossible to relate, bridge that gulf.

Ben wonders, but absolutely does not say out loud, if Jacob was involved here, too. That's not something to just ask somebody. He's not going to go poking at any more wounds intentionally, thanks. He just... files this away, for later. And wonders. ]

It does. Most days anyway.

[ Ben does have a brief, slightly nauseous moment when a little voice in the back of his head whispers that it only gets better if you deal with it, and being dead has given him a very good excuse all these years to not deal with his bullshit. Instead he kept himself busy with Klaus's addiction and worrying about his other siblings and trying to do what he can to keep all them safe. Just so he doesn't have to look at himself, at all. But he shoves that thought aside. ]

I don't know about that. [ Ben doesn't dispute that he has been a monster. At least not directly. Maybe once he knows the guy better he will ask what he meant, and then decide for himself. For now, though, he focuses on the latter half of that statement. ] You're the first guy I ever met from Montana. You're um, a deputy. You're a guy with a wolf. A guy who really digs Doritos. That's not nothing.

[ He hasn't exactly got a rich well of details to draw from here but he works with what he's learned already. ]

And the rest you get to decide for yourself.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Yeah. Believe me I can relate.

[He doesn't elaborate, and he's not going to unless prompted. Instead he snaps his fingers, calling the wolf away from where she's pressing her snout into Ben's ankles. It seems he smells interesting and she thinks shoving her nose into his leg will make the sniffs all the better.]

Don't make me the Montana ambassador. I'm not cut out for that. Can't really sell you on the hunting and fishing and hang gliding if you're never gonna be able to see it because we're stuck here.

[He snorts at that, shaking his head.]

Get to try and fuck up shit for myself you mean. I'm sure I'll get to that in a few days when we're all starting to go stir crazy in here.

[benhargreeves]

Don't worry. In case you couldn't tell, I'm not really the huntin' and fishin' type.

[ And Ben gives a little sardonic gesture to himself, though it would be hard to say exactly what the joke is about - his appearance, his clothing, his demeanor... any one of them don't really fit in with the stereotype of someone who would really enjoy the outdoorsy Montana activities Pratt mentioned.

Ben sticks his hands into his pockets, giving a shrug. It's possible they will all go stir crazy in a bit. But... ]

So far, stuck here's not any worse than stuck where I came from. [ A beat, as Ben decides whether or not he's going to add what he adds a moment later: ] Actually, it's better. I'm alive, here.

[ So... there's that. ]

I'm pretty sure fucking up's a necessary part of it. But I'd rather... fuck up figuring out who I am on my own than be flawless at... at being someone else's perfect tool.

[ It's not exactly hope Ben is offering, but the idea that freedom is better even if it means making your own mistakes. That had taken him a few years, to actually believe. ]

[theweakhavepurpose]

It's kind of relaxing. Fishing is I mean, hunting isn't really. You just sit there and watch the wind in the trees and the ripples in the lake and don't have to think about problems or work or life or much of anything.

[Pratt looks down at the wolf, stroking her ears before she wanders off to go sniff something else, patrolling around them.]

I'm dying back home. Not even conscious anymore. So this is a whole hell of a lot better - but I still wouldn't call it good.

[His head shoots up at that last part,

You're a tool. Nothing more. Some day you'll understand that. Some day they'll all understand that. Know. Your. Place. Deputy Pratt.

His eyes narrow, suddenly suspicious.]

Who's tool?

[benhargreeves]

I feel like you could get all of that by just going to a lake. No need to get any hooks or worms involved.

[ To Ben's surprise, not only does Pratt accept that Ben is not alive, in the world that he came from, but adds that he is similar. Well, not quite. Not dead, but dying. And actually... yeah, that's worse. Ben's had fourteen years to deal with the actual dying part. Or, if not to deal with it, to find a way to not think about it and keep going. But Pratt had come here from right at that moment?

The worry and sympathy are written clearly on Ben's face, and he gives a small, solemn nod of acknowledgement. Neither of them have anything much to look forward to going back to. ]

Sorry to hear that.

[ He wonders whether it might be related, to some of what they'd been talking about, or half-talking about. But Ben knows better than to take a confession like that and demand more information. Hopefully, there will be another time for them to talk about this. Hopefully he will be able to offer... comfort, support, solidarity, whatever he can. Whatever might help.

Ben gets that Pratt is looking at him a little side-eyed, but he isn't really sure what's caused it, or if he's maybe misinterpreting. It's so strange, talking to new people. People who aren't his family. Anger, fear, suspicion, craftiness, sadness, curiosity - they all look a little different on different people.

He rubs the back of his neck. It's not that he's unwilling to give the answer, he just... can't help but be self-conscious of how it might sound. Ben has always been painfully self-conscious of how others perceive him. And this one is... there's no way to phrase it that doesn't scream 'yikes.'

But he isn't going to lie. ]

...My. Dad.

[ It will sound like he has some immature grudge he hasn't grown out of, now. Like he's talking about the usual butting-heads of a family that all love one another underneath, but have bubbling resentments that are inescapable. It doesn't sound like video cameras in every room, experiments, electrodes in place every night for bed, like training him to kill, like the manipulation and dehumanization and misery of it all. ]

[theweakhavepurpose]

Looking at a lake doesn't also get you dinner. Clean your fish, wrap 'em in foil and then you can have a bonfire to cook them. Watch the flames against the night sky. That's actually the best part of Montana. Big Sky Country. More stars then you think is possible.

[He sounds more than a little nostalgic. Homesick for a place where he's busily dying - but he can't help it. For the first 20 something years of his life he'd absolutely loved it.]

Oh. That sucks.

[He deflates a little, some of the weird tension building in his spine evaporating. He's not sure what exactly has set him on edge - probably the fact that they're so similar that it's bringing up bad memories. But he's actually a little proud of himself that he's managed to have a conversation for more than fifteen minutes with someone who doesn't think he's a complete fucking mess.

Yet.]

Guess it's good to get away from .. that.

[Whatever THAT is.]

[benhargreeves]

That... actually does sound great.

[ Ben had been joking before but now it does sting, a little, thinking that he won't ever have a day like that. Freedom, an open sky... Even if being alive here has been wonderful, the Anchor is a closed space. The options here are limited and there is no point in denying it. He'd never had that kind of freedom when he was alive on Earth, and being a ghost made it hard to enjoy most things.

But it's nice, in a slightly sad way, to hear the way Pratt talks about it. To imagine what it would be like to love a place in that way. ]

Yeah.

[ Ben could tell Pratt he'd been away, in a way, from his father for a long time. He could mention his brothers were here and it meant more to have THEM finally free of his shadow. He could even mention the fact that his dad had been a monster, too, but that he'd killed himself just a few short weeks ago. But the thing about the all the fucked up family stuff is that there's no good place to start and besides, it is not something anyone wants to hear, probably. Just sordid, awful, depressing, boring garbage. So he shifts his weight from foot to foot, awkwardness radiating from him as he just lets that conversation drop without offering up anything more.

But despite that, and his slip by asking about Jacob, when Pratt and Ben say their goodbyes, he walks away feeling more good than bad. He'd connected with someone. Talked to them, gotten through it. And Pratt seemed to not completely hate him, so far at least, and that's... well it's something to celebrate, even if it is tiny. ]