redshiftrp | @lazarus

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@lazarus | video

[ The video opens on Ben's face. He is looking particularly grim, filming in one of the rooms in the residential section. No greetings or build-up, he just cuts right to the chase, holding up a tiny device between forefinger and thumb. Visible is a tiny lens, and what looks like a small antennae to transmit. ]

PSA. There are surveillance cameras hidden in the lighting fixtures of the bedrooms. I found a creepy tunnel leading to a creepy lair where some fucking creep has been spying on us. Still trying to figure out who is behind it and what they want, but the feeds only show occupied rooms and no empty ones so it's not a coincidence, unfortunately.

[ Ben turns the frame to face the spot where the small camera had obviously been ripped out of an overhead light. From offscreen he says, voice clipped and angry: ]

Anyway. Wanted you guys to know. Hit me up if you need help ripping the suckers out. I'll post again when I know more.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I haven't found anythin' around the ranch or the barn yet, but I'll keep lookin'.

Kinda unnerving ta know that there's some feller watchin' us like that. Didja see those weird... uh... [What did Peter call them...???] m-monitors?

Actually, there is a camera in the barn. I think I've got a good idea where it might be, from the video. I can come by later and get it down for you, if you want.

[ Ben is looking... rough. With pretty much everybody else he's keeping it to text so they can't see how shit he looks, but obviously that's not an option for Kieran. And Ben thinks maybe he doesn't mind so much, if it's Kieran seeing him so shaken.

Bleakly, he answers: ]

Yeah. I saw them.

[ 'Kinda unnerving' is putting it way too mildly. ]

[Oof.]

[Ben really doesn't look too good, and the way Kieran's brow furrows in concern points to how noticeable it is, and how much he doesn't want his friend to feel that way.]

[So he quickly shifts to a tiny smile, injecting some optimism into his tone.]

I-If you got the time, I wouldn't mind if ya came to help with the camera now.

[Because having something to do usually helps with sour moods, right?]

Edited 2019-10-02 01:49 (UTC)

Alright. I've got the time, it's no problem. I'll be there soon.

[ Ben tries to match Kieran's smile. He really does. But it's just not in him, right now.

That is obvious from his body language when he shows up to the ranch. He is hunched over, his hands deep in his pockets and his hood up, pulled down low over his forehead. Like he's trying to be as small as possible. Like he's hiding. Like he's just found out that someone's been recording him for months without him knowing it and now he doesn't want to be visible to anyone or anything, thanks.

He has a crowbar tucked under one arm, and gives Kieran a nod when he sees him. Not a hello or even a hey, just that up and down movement of his head. There is something in this quietness, and the solemnity of his face, that is not neutral. It is closed-off.

When he speaks, his voice is... small. ]

D'you have a ladder, somewhere, I could use?

[Kieran knows the need to make yourself as unnoticeable as possible all too well, even if the circumstances surrounding his shrinking tendencies were vastly different than Ben's.]

[As such, he doesn't hold any offense when Ben greets him with that brief nod, and he doesn't meet Ben's soft tone with anything less than full compassion. He gets it, bud.]

[Kieran places a comforting hand on Ben's shoulder, using it to guide him towards the barn. He offers another smile, one bigger than what he'd managed over the video feed.]

Yeah, this way. I use one to get up to my, uh, room.

['Room' is used loosely, but it's way better than his sleeping arrangements with the Van der Lindes. The barn, when the two enter, also looks and feels a lot homier than your standard ranch structure. There are tools scattered across a table tucked in the corner, strips of leather and scraps of metal strewn about as evidence of a project in the making. Horse stalls line the walls, and there are piles of fresh straw piled along the floor.]

[The ladder that Kieran alluded to just moments ago rests against a large notch in the barn rafters, and a quick glance will reveal a hammock hanging from the ceiling, along with another table and a couple of chairs nearby. Almost like a tiny bedroom, except open to a bird's eye view of everything going on below.]

[There's also a pretty sizable hole in the roof, but there are a couple of boards nailed along its edges--just another project that's underway.]

Edited 2019-10-03 00:20 (UTC)

[ He realizes, in a slightly detached way, that he must not seem... quite right. That shoulder clasp is definitely a little bit too targeted, a little too obviously reassuring rather than incidental. But this really is the best he can do. The closest to normal he's going to be able to get, for a little while. He ought to tell Kieran he's fine, and not to worry. Or explain what's going on in his head. Or do something. But he can't

So Ben merely looks around the barn with interest. It would be one thing, if he thought Kieran were living here because there was nowhere else for him. But there are many empty bedrooms, in the residential areas. So, presumably, Kieran has chosen to set up here because he likes it better, because it's more familiar and more comforting to him. Who is Ben to question that?

So, swallowing, he manages: ]

Nice digs.

[ He'd gotten a bit of a glimpse of this place already, after all. It had just been on one of those eerie screens, in that horrible little dug-out hole, next to everyone else's rooms. Ben squints at the ceiling, but it doesn't take long, to reverse the angle of it in his mind and see a little flash of the embedded lens. Silently, he fixes his eye on where it is and points, so Kieran will see it, too. It is cleverly placed, nestled near to a nail that is almost entirely obscuring it from view, if you don't know just where to look. ]

Just gotta reach it, now. Could you - hold it steady?

[ Ben gives a little jerk of his head to the ladder, which will have to be moved to a less stable position to reach that particular spot in the rafters. ]

Sure, no problem.

[Kieran dutifully grabs the ladder and carries it over to wherever Ben specifies, ready to hold it still for him. He does his best to keep at least the shadow of a smile on his face, counting on that little reservoir of optimism to keep both of them going.]

[But optimism is funny in that it could always use a little boost, no matter the situation.]

Once yer done, do ya wanna take a look around? Maybe see the horses? I can call 'em over. They'd love the company.

[And maybe Ben might, too.]

[ Ben automatically opens his mouth to say he's fine, it's all fine, Kieran doesn't have to worry and he's good, thanks. But he catches himself. Seeing the horses, giving himself just a short break to spend some time with Kieran and with some big calm animals? That sounds... great. ]

Yeah. Yeah, I... would appreciate that.

[ The removal of the camera is easy enough with two people working together - one to hold the ladder, one to pry it free from the wood. For just one instant as he's coming down the rungs, and glances Kieran helping him, holding it steady, Ben thinks, what if this is some kind of absurd endeavor to make them all work together as a team. Give them a mystery to solve and a common enemy and watch them all come together.

It would be a wilder thought if his dad hadn't literally faked his own murder to make his children talk to each other again and come together as a team. Crazy old horrible bastard.

Ben steps onto the ground once again, tucking the camera in his pocket to give to Qubit later. He gives Kieran another of those jerky, fleeting, colorless smiles. Says: ]

You're all set. No more peeping.

Thanks, Ben. I appreciate you comin' out here to take care of that thing.

[A side effect of getting thrown around between different gangs was learning how to read people. Kieran wasn't always accurate with his predictions, but he'd gotten pretty good at it over the years.]

[He doesn't need any of that sort of expertise to see how off Ben is with all of his mannerisms, and that alone makes Kieran's heart hurt for his friend--one of his first friends upon arriving in Anchor, no less. So he keeps up his own positive energy, placing a hand on Ben's shoulder and, with the other, letting loose a loud, piercing whistle that easily echoes from inside the barn to the field outside. In the distance, both Branwen and Eavan's ears perk up and the two horses trot on over. Branwen's stubby legs work double time to keep up with Eavan's graceful strides, but he doesn't seem bothered by it. Not anymore, at least.]

[Kieran greets them both with some quick nose rubs and a few kind words. Then, he waves Ben over, holding one bridle in each hand.]

Take yer pick. Branwen's completely used to people, but Eavan's gettin' there, too. Plus, they both know ya, so I don't think you'll have any problems.

[He offers Ben a lopsided grin. As far as Kieran is concerned, there were few cures for crummy moods better than some time with a bunch of peaceful animals.]

[ Ben watches how easily Kieran gets the horses over - just a whistle and they come. But not looking like they are obeying some strict order, hurrying and unhappy. They seem eager, like a friend had just called both their names. They come to Kieran and eagerly present their faces for him to touch and gentle. Ben's throat feels tight, hearing the soft way Kieran murmurs to them. In his mind, he can't help wondering how people had never had it in them to torture Kieran. To threaten and terrorize him. Couldn't they see how much gentleness he had in him? How did they live with themselves, after?

But that's not the sort of thing he could say to Kieran, probably ever. Instead, he drifts towards Branwen, first, reaching out a tentative hand to touch his nose, the same way Kieran had. When they'd first encountered Eavan, Kieran had insisted she wasn't afraid of Ben. And those other glowing animals hadn't flinched from him. Prissy, his brother's new spoiled-rotten pet ferret, loved to follow Ben around and nibble at his fingers in utter affection. But there is still some part of him that expects Branwen's ears to go back and his eyes to roll and for him to snort in terror at being touched by Ben. He's a prey animal, and Ben... isn't. Shouldn't he be able to smell all the blood on his hands.

He merely snuffles, pressing his face into Ben's hand, like he enjoys the contact. Tentatively, Ben scritches at his nose, his cheek, his forehead. Then, with a shuddering exhale, he presses his face against Branwen's neck, hiding a little in his mane, eyes squeezed shut. At some point he had started trembling all over, which is embarrassing, but - he thinks Kieran won't judge him too harshly, for it. At least he isn't crying. He doesn't want to give whoever is responsible for these cameras that satisfaction.

This place is so warm and open, filled with small sounds and the wholesome smell of healthy animals and hay. It's all as different as Ben can imagine from that big, old, claustrophobic mansion. All those empty silent rooms, all that luxury, all that appearance of good. And underneath it, all that fear, and cruelty, and rot. ]

I wish I were like them. [ The words come out before Ben thinks about what he's saying, low and full of feeling. ] They don't care. About cameras or who's watching them or privacy or anything. They just-

[ But whatever it is they just do, Ben can't find the words for it, and so he lapses into silence again, with another of those big sighs. ]

Edited 2019-10-12 00:59 (UTC)

[Branwen is a good choice, and the little horse doesn’t make any fuss when Ben leans against him, only shuffling his hooves to better take the weight. It’s almost as if it’s old hat for him, like he’d had to deal with a certain cowboy doing the same thing once or twice or several times in the past—although Branwen had been much bigger then (all the better, too, since his rider was tall and gangly).]

[Kieran doesn’t call undue attention to Ben’s actions, choosing instead to trace his fingertips along Eavan’s glowing streaks. He nods along in agreement with Ben’s words. Their current situation is vastly different than what Kieran’s faced before, far more insidious and perverse in nature, but that doesn’t change the overall sentiment.]

[He cocks his head towards Ben, but it’s just so he can direct his voice at his friend. There’s no rush or push to let go of Branwen.]

They just go about their day, not payin’ a mind to what anyone else thinks. As long as they ain’t in any immediate danger, they’re happy with just about anythin’. They letcha know where yer at with ‘em, and they don’t try to hide anythin’ from ya.

Horses are pretty straightforward once you get to learn their personalities. You know what to expect.

People… not so much.

[ Ben nods silently, agreeing with Kieran's description of horses and why they are good, compared to people. He wonders what it would be like, to live like that. Not to hide everything by reflex. Not to be surprised by himself, twisted up and confused on the inside, not even sure half the time what he really thinks, what he really wants.

He pulls back, cards his fingers through Branwen's mane, trying to work out a few of the tangles he had accidentally put into it. ]

Do horses... like getting their hair brushed?

[ He feels like he's read about horses getting brushed down, in old novels, but he isn't sure if that's just after they've been on a big journey or whether they like being groomed regardless. Ben strokes his hand down Branwen's neck; marveling at how warm and still and patient he is.

The words spill out without him meaning to say them: ]

I didn't expect to feel like this.

[ Ben looks at Branwen, his surprisingly long eyelashes, those deep soulful eyes. He can feel where Kieran is standing close by, looking at him probably, but Ben can't bring himself to face him. It's easier to talk looking away, running his hand along Branwen's warm nose. ]

I should be used to it. The place I grew up had cameras everywhere. Recording us around the clock. So- so if anybody should be... okay, right now, it ought to be me.

[ He should be the one working on solving this. He should be the one comforting others. He shouldn't be weak like this. ]

They sure do!

[Kieran grins and runs over to one of the tables covered in horse supplies. He pulls out a handleless brush, plain, but sturdily built and holding together a decent clump of thick bristles. He returns just as quickly as he darted off, happily holding the brush out to Ben. There's a strap along the back to slide his hand underneath.]

[He keeps quiet otherwise, listening to his friend vent his feelings about the constant filming. It's hard to relate to that exact circumstance, the technology just isn't there yet (although he's seen Arthur running around camp plenty of times with that dang camera in his hands, catching gang members at inopportune moments left and right). He can, however, offer some objective insight on the matter.]

Sounds like yer the one who has the best excuse not to be alright with everythin' that's happenin'.

[Kieran busies himself with starting to slide a handmade bridle over Eavan's long face. It's still in its early stages of being built, with shoddy decoration covering its otherwise solid build. May as well get her used to the feeling of her new tack while she's in a safe area amongst friends.]

It ain't the best place to be stuck, but at least this, uh, station, ain't entirely like where you grew up. It's somethin' different. Different problems, sure, but still different.

Havin' all those cameras pop up all of a sudden is just a reminder of the hell you left behind. You don't need that. None of us do.

Edited 2019-10-19 01:11 (UTC)

[ Ben takes the brush from Kieran wordlessly, with a small grateful smile. It's easy, slipping his hand into the strap and bringing the brush up to run through Branwen's mane. He gives a little toss of his head and snort, but they seem to be out of contentment rather than irritation, and a quick glance at Kieran confirms to Ben that nothing is wrong. So he continues, brushing in long and steady strokes, letting the repetitive motion sooth him.

At first, he only answers Kieran in a little shrug. Words are so hard, and much of his brain is screaming he's already said too much, that only bad can come from talking about any of this, letting himself be vulnerable, letting himself be known. But Ben likes Kieran. And he knows that, if any kind of scale could be devised, Kieran has been through much worse than him. So he needs to make himself understood. That he understands how weak he is, for caring. For being impacted. ]

I should be better than this.

[ He keeps brushing Branwen's mane, sighing softly, frustrated with himself. There is little Ben has less patience for in the world than what he sees as his own failings and flaws. ]

It wasn't hell.

[ The response is automatic, like a kneejerk. He still feels that impulse, to diminish it, to conceal anything that might seem bad to an onlooker. And there's something else, too. Ben's cheeks actually grows hot, and he angles his face away from Kieran, embarrassed: ]

It wasn't like- it wasn't as bad as. I mean. Any of the stuff you... talked about.

[ What is he doing, whining about his life to someone who had lost his parents so young, who'd had to support himself and make his way in the world, who had been tortured and threatened by gangs and here is Ben, complaining about some security cameras in the mansion he grew up in.

Self-loathing sits in his stomach like a stone, heavy and solid. ]

At least back then I knew about the cameras, and I was always aware anything I did or said might be watched, either then or later. I could decide things based on that. Here, I've gotten too used to - just... talking. Saying stuff without... putting it up for review in my head first.

[ The fact that Ben is talking about his current self as more chatty and incautious with his words than he was a kid really just goes to show how quiet he'd been, back then. He can remember stretches of time when he'd barely said a single thing aloud, apart from answering questions his father asked. ]

Edited 2019-10-21 23:39 (UTC)

[Kieran fiddles around more with Eavan's bridle and the glowing horse bats her eyelashes in unfamiliarity. He's careful not to jerk her head around or to tug the material too tightly, but it's still something relatively new for the recently tamed mare. He takes a moment to coo at her a bit, easing any of her nerves before letting go.]

[It looks like the bridle will fit her well. That's a good start.]

[He's listening to Ben the whole time, his nods filled with understanding and devoid of judgment. It's hard fo feel anything but pure empathy for his friend.]

It ain't a contest. Our pasts, I mean. Don't, uh, don't think that yer not allowed to complain just 'cause you think I had it worse.

[Arguments as to who had a rougher upbringing could be made for either of them, but as far as Kieran is concerned, a shitty hand is a shitty hand. He's not about to try to one-up his buddy over past traumas.]

A-And don't worry about sayin' what's on yer mind. Don't let that creepy feller take that away from ya.

If anythin', you know that at least one place is safe. You can always come here and talk about whatever you want. Promise.

[ But that is exactly what Ben thinks. That he isn't allowed to complain; his brain always has a reason at the ready, why it is wrong for him to express any kind of dissatisfaction. Had that come from being monitored? From letting his father convince him for so long he was a monster that needed to be experimented on and watched at all times for everyone's good? Is there any way to know anymore what is an authentic, inborn part of who he is and what was shaped by his (fucked up) environment?

He wants to believe Kieran and his validating, reassuring words. But, perhaps because he's already stressed, perhaps because all this has got him thinking even more than usual about his past, he can't seem to do that. Every nice thing Kieran says is almost drowned out by the screaming doubt in his mind, saying that if Kieran really understood the situation, knew more about him, saw him more clearly, he wouldn't be saying those nice things and making that kind offer. ]

You wouldn't say that if-

[ He breaks off, silent for a few seconds as he brushes the horses's mane some more, long and slow strokes. Then he tries again: ]

It's like you said before. Horses are straightforward, but people hide stuff. I learned to hide... everything I could, even more than most people, because I was always being watched. And now I'm about as far away from a horse as a person can get. Not straightforward at all. You shouldn't... offer me something like that, when there's a lot you don't know about me yet and if you knew it. You might not. Want to be my friend, after all.

[Kieran is quiet for a while as he attaches reins onto the cheekpieces and gives them the slightest tug to make sure they're secure. He can tell that the new bit is heavy in Eavan's mouth, but she's handling it alright. Now it's all about getting her used to the weight. Really, though, the actions are just a mindless sequence meant to keep him calm as he processes Ben's words.]

I may not know a lot about you, Ben... but I do know yer one of the kindest people here and that you care about the folks in yer life.

[He moves to Eavan's side--the one closer to Ben--so he can pat at her neck while simultaneously trying to catch his friend's eye.]

I'd be a hypocrite if I got on yer case fer anythin' you may have done before comin' here. I ain't about to judge you, and especially not after you gave me a chance.

So the offer stands. You need a place to lay low fer a bit or get somethin' off yer chest, yer more than welcome here.

[ Ben's in a pretty weird place, right now. It's been a rough day, and every impulse in his mind is primed to catastrophize, to see the worst possible outcomes, to torment him with the tiniest possibility of badness.

So even Kieran's gentle and reassuring words, telling him he is kind, that he clearly cares about people, make Ben's heart sink. He meets Kieran's kind eyes and then his gaze slides away, looking down at the ground, overwhelmed.

He can see how Kieran would believe they might be on the same level. That Ben might have been forced into some small life of crime, the way he had. That he'd hurt people in the normal human way. ]

It's not like that. You were - maybe you've been forced to do some messed up stuff, in your life, but I- what I am is messed up.

[ Ben miserably thinks that he's not all that much better than whoever had hidden those cameras. He's been dishonest, hidden things from Kieran, because he liked being around him, getting to be his friend. But he'd never given Kieran the chance to reject him based on the reality of who he is. Kieran deserves that. He deserves to know what he's friends with. ]

I've been lying to you. By omission but it still counts. I have powers. I was born with them - all my siblings were, too. We were all born at the same second all around the world to women who weren't even pregnant earlier that day, and nobody knows how or why it happened, and all of us can do things no other humans can do.

[ The words are tumbling out in a rush, and he's stopped brushing Branwen's mane, just sort of holding the brush in his hand. ]

I have - it's like a doorway in my stomach, to another world. Like this is a different world to the one you came from. And I can open it to these - creatures. Sort of like giant squids, only - different. Alien. And if I open it, they reach through me. And- and I was raised to use that power to hurt people. To kill them.

[ Carefully, Ben smooths a hand down Branwen's long face, letting him snuffle and nuzzle at his palm, maybe expecting a treat. He can't bring himself to look at Kieran. ]

They weren't good people. They were - murderers and robbers and awful people. But it doesn't change the fact that I- that maybe my dad was right to have those cameras. At least for me. To keep an eye on me and - I don't know. I just don't know.

[ He breaks off, because it's all so tangled in his mind. His dad had been the one who guided his training, who had had to teach Ben to use his powers to kill in the first place. Of course, he had always said that Ben was a monster, a horror, that he was only pointing his inevitable violence in a constructive direction. Ben had always believed that. That it was his duty to control himself and work hard to limit that harm.

But is that true? If it were, why had Reginald needed to lock up and starve Ben into using his powers to train? Why start him on animals, make him hurt them first to try to get him used to it, so that eventually he would be willing to do the same to humans? If he was really so bloodthirsty and uncontrollable, it wouldn't have been necessary to try so hard to desensitize him to it. And it would have worked, instead of leaving him a panicky mess every time he has to use his powers, or any time he is just around some animals.

Ben sucks in a very shaky breath, hands extremely gentle as he brushes Branwen's mane out of his eyes. ]

I should've told you before now. I just... wanted you to like me.

Edited 2019-10-29 20:06 (UTC)

[He'd been petting Eavan, keeping her calm while she got used to the bridle, when Ben began to speak, but when the topic of lying (by omission or otherwise) comes up, Kieran stopped what he was doing and turned around to face his friend. Whatever story was going to follow deserved his full attention and the respect of showing he was giving that attention.]

[As Ben continues, Kieran stays still outside of casually leaning against Eavan. It's a dual purpose gesture: he wants Ben to know that he's just as relaxed around him as before these truths came to light and he wants to make sure his mare continues to get that friendly physical contact that's crucial towards building a strong bond. He nods every now and then to show understanding, but is otherwise silent. He can't stop his brow from furrowing at the mention of surprise pregnancies, squid tentacles, and stomach doorways, but at this point, there's no brand of crazy he's not willing to acknowledge. Not when he's seen so many fantastical powers popping out of the woodwork.]

[There's a long, pregnant pause after Ben's finished. Then, Kieran responds.]

Well... I can't say anythin' about the other stuff, but, uh, if there's one thing you don't gotta worry about, it's whether or not I like ya. As far as I'm concerned, you ain't a liar.

[The secrets Ben kept are heavy, sure, and they're something out of a horror story that someone would tell around a campfire, but they're not enough to make Kieran detest him in the slightest.]

Th-There's a special kinda honesty that can't be faked, and that's the honesty of a good person trying to do the right thing. That's all I've seen you do, and that's all I know you've done. All that other stuff is part of you too, sure, b-but it ain't all of you.

[He offers a reassuring grin and a pat on Ben's shoulder.]

Thanks fer tellin' me. I know it ain't easy.

...

Also, yer dad sounds like an asshole.

[ Ben's mind is a resilient thing. Even as Kieran is saying the one thing he doesn't have to worry about is whether Kieran likes him, it is suggesting that that is only temporary. Hearing a garbled explanation about squid is one thing. If Kieran saw Ben using his powers. If he knew just how many people he'd killed, how young he was when he started. If he had all the information, wouldn't he change his mind?

He lets out a very shaky sigh, blinking rapidly when Kieran calls him a good person. Why does it hurt? Kind words, a gentle pat on the shoulder. Those are supposed to be things that make him feel better. And they do, in a way. But they also make something inside him ache terribly. And it's frightening. Ben, who has by himself fought off a dozen and more men armed with machine guns without batting an eye, is scared by a little gentle treatment.

When Kieran says his dad sounds like an asshole, the tension breaks and Ben laughs softly. Maybe it's an inappropriate reaction but it's just such a wild understatement. ]

He-

[ Ben breaks off. Where to even start? ]

He was always sure he was doing the right thing. For a long time he had me convinced of it, too. He thought that he was going to save the whole world. And we... my brothers and sisters and I, we were- [ Ben swallows, eyes sliding away from Kieran as he goes on: ] We were... things he was going to use to do that. So whatever he had to do to us, to make us into what he needed... well, it was necessary.

[ Turning towards Eavan, Ben tentatively holds up his hand for her to snuffle at, and then is gently patting her bridled face, cautious. He had resented Vanya so much, for saying things like this in her book. But then, Ben isn't writing this down and publishing it for money. He is telling a single, trusted friend, in halting, painful words. Each one takes such effort. ]

He bought us. When he heard about all of us being born, he flew around the world and. Bought as many of us as he could get.

[ It's a small detail, really, amongst the rest, but Ben thinks it speaks a lot to Reginald's general attitude towards his children. That they were his. Property, not a thing to be proud of. ]

[Laws surrounding child welfare weren’t exactly the most robust in Kieran’s time, but even back then, buying and selling children was seen as, for lack of better words, fucked up. Sure, orphanages ran their own crazy racket, sending kids to parents on trains with signs tied around their necks, but much like Ben’s father, they were resorting to dangerous, sometimes cruel, measures to ensure what they saw as the ‘greater good’. It was a bullshit ideal whenever proposed by adults, and even more heinous when children were involved.]

[Kieran huffs, brow furrowing.]

You and yer siblin’s aren’t things and he ain’t worthy of havin’ you in his family if he can’t see that.

None of the buyin’ and sellin’ and whatever he went and did was necessary. Especially not if it’s made ya feel like this.

[ Ben finally looks back towards Kieran and meets his eyes for the first time in a little while, a sad smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. It's... weird, and really kind of a relief, to hear someone outside the family defending him. Putting their foot down and declaring that the situation had been wrong.

Kieran is right, too, for reasons he doesn't even realize, yet. Their father had abused them because he thought it was necessary to avert the apocalypse, and in the end, hadn't he caused it? If he hadn't screwed Vanya up so much, hadn't screwed Luther up so much, things might have gone differently. Instead, both of them were so damaged, each in their own way, that together they'd ended the fucking world.

Go figure. ]

Thank you for saying that.

[ Ben's voice is hoarse with emotion, but the tension is gone from his shoulders. He lets out a long, shuddering sigh, and stands a little taller, after. ]

You're- you're a really good friend, Kieran.

[ He wants Kieran to know that. To understand how much he had helped, on a really hard day. ]

[Kieran blinks, then blushes. Even the tips of his ears turn a bit red. All he’d said to Ben was exactly what was on his heart, much like anything else he’d said, whenever he found the courage, so it didn’t occur to him that it would have that profound an impact on anybody. He hardly ever did.]

[He’d been called a good friend once or twice before, usually around a table overflowing with alcohol by men who could barely see straight, but this time it feels much more… genuine. Like it actually mattered to someone. He’d helped out a friend, and that in itself was its own reward. He grins.]

N-No problem! I-I mean, uh… you too! Least I could do fer someone who’s done so much to help me, too.

[He clears his throat, unused to such exchanges, but not entirely uncomfortable.]

Now let’s get these horses into their paddocks. I’ll show you how we get ‘em all boarded!

Edited 2019-11-11 00:06 (UTC)

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no subject

no subject

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no subject

cw abuse

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject