video; birkenstocks in space (un: j.calhoun)

[bardish]

[ Here's a face peering into the communication device, all up close and personal, before he blinks and pulls his face back. When he speaks, it's in a hushed, panicky whisper: an anxious soliloquy. ] ...is this rolling? [ Blink. ] Shit! It's so rolling! What was I gonna say? I had a whole thing prepared and-- Ahh... Oh god...

[ Do something, Jeff. You can't just stand there like a deer staring at an oncoming 18-wheeler. ]

Uh. Hi...? [ A nervous wave. ] Hello! Greetings? I'm, uh-- I'm not really sure if this is the right place to ask, because I don't know if anyone's alive or dead-- [ Aside: ] Is that guy from the video still around, or is he...?

[ He makes a face, wrinkling his nose at the unpleasantness. Jeff may be looking a little green around the gills here. ]

Anyway...

My name's Jeff and I totally come in peace! Is there anyone out there? Anyone who, like, wears shoes in a men's size 10, who might have an extra pair lying around, because I could really use something other than sandals right now. I mean, they're good shoes, super comfortable, but I'm pretty sure flip-flops aren't appropriate footwear for this kind of place, like, it just seems wrong to walk around here with my toes out-- what if I catch some kind of crazy new strain of tetanus!

[ AWKWARD BEAT. He smiles, grins, way too toothy, like a man on the verge of a panic attack, but he's really trying here. ]

I'm really not picky! As long as they cover my feet! You know, because once I've got the right shoes, then it's all gonna be fine. It's fine. Everything fine! [ Keep telling yourself that, Jeff. ] So... Men's size 10! [ He even holds up 10 fingers, to illustrate. Then he closes his fists into two enthusiastic thumbs up. ] That's all! Thanks!

Comments

text; @ GOSUCKADICK

[substances]

u can pry my flowery army boots outta my cold dead hands

mite be able to find someghin round here tho

un: j.calhoun

[bardish]

i don’t think i have it in me to get that cutthroat over shoes man!

do you think they have something that isn’t space boots lying around here?

video;

[braveoff]

[ Oh no, this guy is screaming 'impending freakout' already. Drake isn't a size 10, and only has a vague idea where they could even start with searching for clothing, but he also really can't watch someone about to lose their shit and not do anything. So of course he replies, trying to project some chill though the communicator for this guy's sake. ]

There might be some around to scavenge, I can help you look. But I think you're right about flip flops being inappropriate... could you wear 11s until we find something? I've got spare boots.

[substances]

i mean they had mres
they were just real expired
and thres shops i think

and i maybe MAYBE have an extra pair of shoes
that mite fit
but only as a last resort
theyre from home

voice; UN: waltz

[enveloped]

[The following comes after a long, dead stare into the camera.

Of all the people in the universe, why did the colony choose him.]

Flip flops are not, and never will be, good shoes.

No one wants to see your toes. No one.

text; UN: wingingit

[volitaunt]

Buddy, you really need to stop asking for things on networks. This is how you ended up with a cursed side table and a bloody mattress.

1/several

[bardish]

i guess i could go on a spirited looting spree!

[bardish]

wait no scratch that from the record! i'm a TEACHER! a teacher of youths!! I can't be that weird guy in flip flops who loots shoe stores!!!!

[bardish]

wait does it even count as looting if everything's abandoned? or is it closer to grave robbing??

[bardish]

grave robbing...

shit! that's even worse than looting!!

ALMOST DONE

[bardish]

or is it really so bad in the grand scheme of things, i mean it's not like the dead miss anything...

dead men don't need shoes! so it's fine!

okay done now

[bardish]

i'm sorry, that got away from me how are you??

[bardish]

[ Bless you, Drake, you're a good man. He tries to take in some of that chill, breathe it in-- uh, via Facetime-- but all he really manages is a deep breath followed by another nervous smile. ]

Oh yeah. Elevens are super! [ A beat, as he furrows his brow and mutters to himself, affronted by his own word choice. ] 'Super'?

[ REALLY, JEFF. ]

Um. I'm not picky. I can turn it up to eleven!

[ Why are you making a This is Spinal Tap reference, Jeff? To his credit, he makes another face in response to himself. ]

VIDEO STILL

[bardish]

[ Wait.

No.

NO.

Jeff recognizes that voice. And at first he looks terrified, shrinking back away from the communicator, before he steels himself, puts his game face on (yes, it's recording the whole time), and hisses out in an aggressive whisper-- like he doesn't want people to overhear this convo???-- ]

They're my house flip flops, man! It's not like I packed them for this grand fucking occasion!

[ 'House flip flops.' As in he has multiple flip flops for different occasions. ]

[enveloped]

[Cam raises his brows, innocent, because he has never bullied anyone a day in his life, and he is perfect in every way.]

Oh. Pardon me. Your house flip-flops. I'm sorry.

Your outdoor flip-flops must be incredibly classy. Are they Gucci? Or are those your formal flip-flops?

[bardish]

[ Oh no, Jeff doesn't remember you, Poe, so this reference goes FLYING RIGHT OVER HIS HEAD. ]

wait hang on

rewind??

please tell me more about this cursed side table and bloody mattress

video; un: cabernet

[redwinekindofgirl]

[Right, she can't help with the shoes thing (Julie is 5'5" and built like a bird, there's no chance of help here), but one question really does beg the asking when she's finished listening to this guy.]

Uh... hey, dude. Are you okay?

[She feels like he is definitely not okay.]

video; UN: s.desc

[postpartor]

[ There's bright-eyed wickedness on Shannon's face as she replies to Jeff. ]

So you're the reason I can't wear flip flops to work any more.

[bardish]

Don't be a jackass, I only rock Birkenstocks when I'm outside.

[ OBVIOUSLY. ]

[bardish]

Oh yeah, I'm okay! Fine-- I'm fine, totally, totally fine, there's nothing wrong here.

[ He smiles unconvincingly. Nods even more unconvincingly. Keeps it up for a couple of beats, before he exhales, shoulders sagging, and rubs the side of his neck. ]

Okay, that's a lie, but I think it might be for the best if I just keep lying to myself and others, because if I keep talking, I'll start to panic, and if I start to panic, I can't guarantee that I won't throw up or cry or maybe do both at once, and I don't think anybody needs to see that, because it would be the worst first impression to have here, so. Um. In conclusion, I'm fine!

[volitaunt]

you

in riverview

you don't remember

[bardish]

[ SHANNON, NO. You're like a cat having way too much fun with a hapless mouse. ]

...I am?

Uh.

[ Tentatively: ] Whaaaat... line of work are you in?

[ WERE FLIP FLOPS EVER ALLOWED IN ANY WORK PLACE? Outside of the Santa Monica Pier, anyway. Or surf shops... Head shops... ]

[redwinekindofgirl]

[He lies, and her brows raise. It isn't even a particularly good lie.


Not convincing at all.]

Okay... but you know, like, half this place is freaking the fuck out anyway? So no one's gonna think you're some kind of freak if you lose your mind over this shit for a few hours. [Julie smiles, shrugs.]

I already did my 'find a room and scream at the walls for thirty minutes' thing. It's cathartic.

[postpartor]

HR. [She bats her eyelashes at him.]

amazing

[substances]

sorry buddy
ur already the weird dude in flipflops who goes on lootin sprees to every1 readin this

wait the weird teacher in flipflops who goes on looting sprees
spirited ones

i kinda like it

dont kno if its grave robbing if theres no bodies so ur safe there.

im fine.

u?