@lazarus | video

[benhargreeves]

[ The video opens on Ben's face. He is looking particularly grim, filming in one of the rooms in the residential section. No greetings or build-up, he just cuts right to the chase, holding up a tiny device between forefinger and thumb. Visible is a tiny lens, and what looks like a small antennae to transmit. ]

PSA. There are surveillance cameras hidden in the lighting fixtures of the bedrooms. I found a creepy tunnel leading to a creepy lair where some fucking creep has been spying on us. Still trying to figure out who is behind it and what they want, but the feeds only show occupied rooms and no empty ones so it's not a coincidence, unfortunately.

[ Ben turns the frame to face the spot where the small camera had obviously been ripped out of an overhead light. From offscreen he says, voice clipped and angry: ]

Anyway. Wanted you guys to know. Hit me up if you need help ripping the suckers out. I'll post again when I know more.

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[benhargreeves]

Ben feels a pang of sadness, hearing that last part. The human Cole had wished he never had his magic; Ben had wished he never had his powers. He wonders if that is why he feels so at ease around Cole. Even if this Cole is different, he still has those memories and the emotions.

Even though he is thinking about all that self-loathing and shame he'd carried all those years, Ben isn't feeling it, now. He is just reflecting on the fact of it; that isn't a thing he's been able to do in... well, maybe ever. He reaches over and scoots the vanilla closer to Cole, an invitation. And then he scoops up the container of chocolate, digging in with his spoon, set on finishing it off.

There's a smile curling at the corner of his mouth, because vanilla isn't just vanilla. It's all linked up with connotations of being bland and boring and Cole is anything but that.

"Vanilla. For now, anyway, until we get some more flavors for you to try. Could get that title usurped, you never know."

Then, more quietly, he adds:

"Thank you. For... this. I needed this, today."

Cole might already know his gratitude, but Ben still wants to say it. There's something important about saying it.

[killedwithlove]

Cole looks at the container and he can tell Ben's offering for him to eat more, but he's still hesitant. "But what if someone else wants it? What if it would make them happy and it's gone?"

Cole doesn't eat for a lot of reasons but a shortage of food has always been part of it. Never willing to take what someone else might need.

He leans into Ben's space a little as he asks, trusting Ben will be honest with him.

[benhargreeves]

Ben's first instinct is one of clear and pronounced surprise at the question even being an issue. Cole deserves that ice cream as much as anyone else. So what if it might sometime make some hypothetical person a little bit sad?

But he bites his bottom lip. That wasn't the question Cole had asked. Ben pauses, and considers. Tries to look at it objectively, past his partiality for Cole and almost, by this point, ferocious desire for him to be happy.

"It's not impossible. But the food in this fridge is all communal. Nobody has their heart set on any of it being there when they come back, or they would put their name on it. And besides, look at the other two flavors and how much less of them there is. People have been eating the other ones and avoiding the vanilla. Chances are good nobody's that attached to it."

Then, even though Cole didn't ask and even though he must have already felt the intensity of Ben's initial reaction, he adds, gently, "You deserve things that make you happy, too."

There are no exceptions to that, as far as Ben's concerned.

[killedwithlove]

Cole looks at the ice cream, then the other two tubs, and then the fridge, weighing up the words and the logic. "But... I don't need it. Solas reminds me that all I need is people to be kind to each other. I don't need things mortals do, like sleep and food."

It might sound like Solas is unkind, but it's not. He just wants Cole to be the rare spirit that he is, not like the mortals he doesn't particularly like.

"You make me happy. More than the ice cream. How much you want me to have what happiness does make me happy." He looks up at Ben. "But... maybe I could have a little bit more."

[benhargreeves]

Well, if Ben had had any doubts about Cole not needing to eat or sleep, now he is sure. It is not as strange a thought to him as it might be to others. He remembers what it was like, to not need to eat or sleep. And he remembers still wishing that he could do either of those things. Cole might not be a ghost and miss simple pleasures like eating ice cream, but that doesn't change much.

"You don't have to need it. I don't need ice cream right now, either. I ate plenty earlier, I just wanted some because today sucked."

Sure, food might not be as plentiful in this place as it could be, but none of them are starving at the moment. That grocery store had shown up, and a truck later, and people who are farm-inclined are planting things. If Ben had learned anything from dying, it is that putting off good things for the future sometimes meant never having those good things at all.

But before he can start to articulate any of that, Cole is saying Ben makes him happy, even more than the ice cream. And Ben had just seen how happy that ice cream made Cole. He feels his cheeks flushing; it's so wonderful, this feeling! Making people happy! Not just that - making Cole happy. A grin breaks out on his face and he ducks his head, unable to stop smiling. Some reflex in his mind tells him that he shouldn't let himself be this happy, that he ought to check it, restrain it, question it. But for once, he doesn't. He just thinks I made Cole happy and lets himself be awash in the joy of it.

"You can, if you want to."