redshiftrp | @lazarus

[ A trickle of fear makes its way down Ben's spine. This isn't a joke, right? Ami has a sense of humor, but if she's pranking him right now, she's a remarkable actress. She seems completely bland and confused. Ben chews at his lower lip, looking from the walls, to Ami, and back. He pulls the device from his pocket and takes a photo, holding it out so Ami can look at the screen. Maybe there's... some kind of illusion spell this will get around or who knows. He doesn't speak magic. ]

You don't see words, written all over the walls? Like.... all over?

[ By now, Ami's visibly worried. She squints at the wall, looks at his photo, then back at the wall, but... ]

No, I... you're freaking me out a little, Ben.

[ All over the walls? Is there really something there that she's not seeing? One of them's going crazy here, but which one? ]

... What does it say?

[ Ben has a similar thought - one of them is seeing things and there's no way to figure out which one without bringing in a tie-breaker. Running a hand through his hair, mussing it up, he looks back to his device again and quickly sends the photo he'd just taken to Klaus with the caption: ]

Preface: I'm freaking out and now's not a good time to fuck around or make jokes, can you see writing on the walls in the pic I sent or not?

[ He's keeping a tight hold on the rising fear in his chest, but it's a tenuous control. Looking back up to Ami, he says: ]

It's, like... tick tock. No, um. Just... tock. But spelled different ways in some places. The same letters just, jumbled up. And. Everywhere.

[ But he can see Ami getting worried, and even if he's freaking out, too, he at least tries to reassure: ]

I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation...

[ "Tock"? What the heck does that mean? She doesn't doubt that Ben's telling the truth, that he really is seeing what he says he is. But if it is really there, why can't she see anything? More importantly - her stomach turns to consider it - how did it get there? ]

Y-yeah... there's gotta be.

[ She walks right up to the wall and touches it. It feels like wall. She's not sure what she expected. ]

... Please tell me it's not written in blood or something. Even if that would be pretty hardcore.

It doesn't look like blood to me.

[ And Ben... knows what blood looks like on walls, okay. He really really knows.

The device gives a brief buzz and Ben glances at it, sees a reply from Klaus under the photo that reads: ]

uh yes?
its right there

[ Wordlessly, he turns the screen to Ami, so she can see for herself that someone else is seeing the same thing Ben is. It's a tiny relief, to know he's not the one whose eyes are deceiving him. But it doesn't solve the mystery and now he's just really worried for Ami. She'd acted weird the last time they talked, with the tarot cards, and then he'd spoken to Cole who is so afraid of her and that she might be maybe possessed by a demon or something, and now he's in her room and there's writing all over the walls. It's just getting a little bit horror movie for Ben's taste.

Tucking away the device - after sending Klaus a quick but explanation-less thanks - he goes over to her desk, asks: ]

Can I...?

[ He's already taking a blank index card and a Sharpie, and he does his best to copy exactly the way the script looks, for one single t0ck. Maybe it's the word itself, somehow? He holds the card up, asks: ]

You can read that, though, right?

[ Okay, so at least her room is not under a horrible ghost curse probably. Maybe. She comes back to peer at the message... Who the heck is @GOSUCKADICK? Wait, that's not important. What's important is that they can see it too, and that means it has to be something wrong on her end.

When he crosses to her desk, she's not sure what he's asking to do, but silently nods anyway. His copy job takes longer than you'd normally expect for four letters, though, and it takes her a minute to realize he's not just copying the letters, he's trying to copy the font.

And she can see what he put on that index card. Not only that, but it looks familiar.

Too familiar. ]

Yeah. Is... is that exactly what it looks like?

[ There are a few tense moments when he is holding up the card and Ami is staring at it and he doesn't know if he's staring because she can see it and it means something to her or because it's blank even though she just saw him writing on it. Either option is kind of alarming in its own way.

The answer to that question becomes clear in a moment; she sounds... off. Like she's understanding. Ben's heart beats a little faster, and he gives an emphatic nod. ]

As close as I could get it. Why? What's going on, Ami - how can you not see it?

I don't know, okay?!

[ She blurts it out before she can stop herself, and once that's in the air, she can't stop the rest of it, either. ]

I don't know why I can't see it! I don't know how it got there! I don't know what it means, and I don't know why it's in my handwriting!

[ It's too much. She can't deal right now. She buries her face in her hands, walks the couple of steps to her bed, and lets herself fall onto it face-first. ]

[ OH GEEZE okay. Ben puts down that index card, coming over to where Ami has just sort of collapsed onto her bed in perfect Dramatic Teen™ style. ]

Hey, hey hey hey, it's okay.

[ Ben crouches down so he's not hovering over her, close but not in her space, his voice reassuring and low: ]

Listen, I was gonna wait and bring it up later once I've got all this... camera bullshit sorted out, but I talked to Cole. He says he wants to help you, if he can. Help you figure out... stuff that might be confusing you, with your memories, and where you come from, and what's going on inside you. He wanted me to arrange a meeting, so he could try to help. Maybe... he can help solve this? Help you figure out why - you wrote all this, and why you can't see it.

[ Which is really really creepy, but if anyone can figure out what's going on here, it's Cole. Ben believes that. He had sensed there was more going on inside Ami before Ami or Ben or anyone else knew. He's a spirit and he can do spirit shit and this seems like a situation where that is needed urgently. ]

Will you meet with him? Don't worry - I'll be there the whole time.

[ He strategically neglects to mention that he'd promised Cole to be there the whole time, too, because Cole is maybe still sort of terrified of Ami and possibly thinks she is possessed by a spirit or demon that might try to kill everyone in this place. Ami doesn't need to know that. ]

[ While Ben's talking, Ami turns her head so she can see him (and also not suffocate). The mention of Cole sparks a flicker of fear, but that flicker's just a drop in the bucket, barely noticeable. Ben really went and talked to him for her? He didn't have to do that.

She has to think about the offer for a moment. She doesn't like the idea of meeting him again. She's still pretty frightened of him. But... it's not really him she's scared of, is it? It's what he sees inside her. Even after her memories came back, there's still so much she doesn't know about herself. About Aradia.

She nods, tentatively at first, then with a little more resolve. ]

Yeah. If you're there.

[ She pauses, then adds- ]

I'm really sorry, Ben. [ For making him go to all this trouble. For making him worry about her. And... ] I... I did remember some stuff on my own. A lot of stuff. I meant to tell you, I just...

[ Ben's pretty good at hiding his reactions to things. The whole hidden camera situation has reminded him just why that is; more often than not, growing up, he was being observed, assessed for weakness, for any cracks in confidence and composure that could be exploited. So it doesn't show on his face, the way his stomach drops when Ami says she's remembered some things. It's not like he hadn't suspected, a little bit, after the strange end to their tarot session. But hearing it confirmed is another thing.

Then again, if the situation were as Cole feared, she would already be so different that she would be unrecognizable, right? So perhaps something else is going on, after all. Ben masters that sudden alarm and manages a smile, soft and encouraging: ]

Hey, why're you sorry? That's great.

[ Ben waves away her apology. He knows what it's like, to have trouble telling people things, and this situation must be ten times as scary for Ami as it is for him. Ben has recently had some of his own ideas about himself and his friends on the other side of the portal questioned, and he knows how disorienting it can be. ]

I'll set up that meeting. In the meantime - in the meantime, do you wanna talk about the stuff you remembered?

[ She may very well not, and he knows that, but it's possible she's needed to this whole time and not known how to approach him or anyone about it. Ben hopes that isn't the case at least. ]

[ Ami manages a soft smile and nods. Bless your heart, Ben Hargreeves, we don't deserve you. She sits up on the bed, hanging her bare feet off the edge; it's high enough that she can rest her toes on the ground, but not her whole feet. ]

Yeah. Um... standard disclaimer, though, it is pretty bizarre. I guess I'll start at the beginning...

[ Like when she told Peter. Start at one end of the weirdness and work your way down. She takes a deep breath, exhales, and begins: ]

So, I was an alien in a past life.

... I - I know that sounds really cringey and otherkin-y, but I swear it's not. I am actually, literally reincarnated from the soul of a dead alien.

[ Ben raises his eyebrows and says, the words full of amusement, hinting at many stories Ami hasn't heard yet: ]

Trust me, I can handle bizarre.

[ He'd told her at least that he has six siblings with superpowers, back when she still thought she was a normal girl from a normal world with perhaps a few repressed memories. He hopes that she'll believe him, not hold anything back thinking he is any kind of normal, himself, likely to be scared away by the unusual.

Alien in a past life is a LOT though. But once again, Ben's reaction is muted. He blinks a few times in surprise, but Ami seems dead serious, and so he just nods a few times, considering it. There are few explanations he hadn't considered in his own life for where his powers might come from. Alien was one, and reincarnation of some kind of demon or deity was another. Now, he's pretty sure neither of those is true, but it's not something he's never ever thought might be possible. Still, it's kind of odd, imagining it for Ami.

When she starts making a fuss about how it must sound to him, Ben shakes his head, holding up a hand: ]

It doesn't sound any more implausible than anything else in this place. And - okay I got know clue what otherkinney - [ He sure does say it like it's some one-word term ] -means, but I believe you. So, that means you're human, now? I mean, physically? Just, that your.... soul or consciousness or whatever was an alien, before, and you've remembered that?

[ Alright Ben let me tell you about Homestuck- No but seriously, it's a relief that he's being so chill about it. The people of Anchor come from all different worlds and times, and she spends a perhaps inordinate amount of time worrying about how they'll react when she can't keep this hidden anymore. ]

Yeah, that's pretty much it. I haven't remembered everything about her, though - just bits and pieces, a little at a time.

[ She looks down at her feet. ]

There were a lot of people like me, back in Recollé. Hundreds of us. Although, uh, most of the others weren't aliens specifically. But we were all going through the same kind of process, gradually remembering our past selves' lives and so on. They said it was because of our reborn souls "coming into alignment" with our bodies.

Well - I think that's how it usually goes, with lost memories. Even... if they're alien reincarnation ones, I guess.

[ And he smiles; there's a hint of amusement and joking in the words, but it's still clear he believes her. It's the sort of lightheartedness that he turns to when something is big or scary or overwhelming, as a light coping mechanism. All this is a lot for him, and he can't imagine how much more it is for Ami. So why not try to soften that with a little fun? ]

So this was normal there, at Recollé? Everyone being a reincarnation of a dead soul, but in a new body?

[ Again, Ben is fairly willing to roll with it. The alien thing is out of left field but, well... it's not dissimilar to... ]

I guess we kinda got that in common, huh? You're a reborn soul and I'm a ghost that's alive again. I probably wasn't ever an alien but I wasn't exactly a normal straight-up human, either, so.

[ He doesn't want to give any details on that, though, and so he gently redirects: ]

What kind of stuff have you remembered? I mean... if you want to talk about it?

[ And why would all that make it so she couldn't see the words she'd clearly written on the walls? But, no. Cole will help solve that mystery. No way is Ben going to be able to guess on his own. ]

[ Ami smiles back. What do you know? They have the same coping mechanism. Smiling, and making others smile. ]

I wouldn't say normal, exactly - I mean, it's possible everybody in town was like us and just hadn't awakened yet, but it's a pretty big city, so we were still very much a minority. Most people had no idea anything was going on.

[ ... They do have that in common, though, don't they? She'd never really thought about it from that angle. Ben's been "reborn," too, in a way. Of course, it's not precisely the same. He remembers his life, and he remembers being a ghost, whereas Ami...

He asks then, and she finds herself tripped up, because the first memory that comes to mind is Aradia's violent death, and she cannot lead with that. ]

Um - a lot of stuff. [ YEAH GENIUS YOU SAID THAT ALREADY. ] Oof. Kinda put me on the spot there! Haha. Let's see, uh...

[ She thinks about it for a second, but then ... all of a sudden, she just seems to zone out completely, her eyes glazing over. Weird. ]

[ Ben nods, curious about the place she'd been before here, but he figures now might not be the best time to ask. Most of the people he's met who went to other worlds before the Anchor only understood a little - if anything at all - about what was running them or how they were brought there or what it all meant. Ami has enough unknowns in her life right now without reminding her of some more. Best to keep the focus on her, herself.

Ben doesn't want to rush her when he asks about the things she's remembered. He knows how the mind can go blank when someone asks a broad question like that. So he waits. And waits.

And waits.

Ami isn't making the usual gestures a person does when they're trying to recall something - no shifting around, no hmms or filler words. She is just sitting there. And, when enough time has passed that it doesn't seem rude to look, she's completely zoned out. He waves a hand in front of her face - not a blink, nothing. Ben's stomach twists in worry, and he asks, urgently: ]

Ami?!

[ Ami comes back to herself with a start, blinking rapidly for a sec while she gets her bearings. ]

What? Oh -

[ She glances over at him, embarrassed. ]

Sorry, that - that happens sometimes. I just... remembered a thing, just now. [ She looks down at the palm of her hand, still feeling the lingering sensation of long, webbed fingers... ]

They're really vivid. Like visions. Dave called them "hallucinomemories," but that's stupid and he's stupid.

[ Ben does his best to look unperturbed, but it's somewhat of a mixed success. He is reminded of how their little tarot-reading session had ended, and reminds himself that she was fine, then, even after they checked at the med bay. If she says this is normal for her now, he'll just have to believe that. ]

Like... a flashback?

[ That's his main reference point, here, but Ami doesn't seem nearly distressed enough for that comparison to be entirely accurate. Ben is glad, that she's not hyperventilating or freaking out, but at the same time, it's all so unfamiliar. Not for the first time, he feels really out of his depth, here. ]

That's good, though, right? You're... uncovering more memories, bit by bit? Who's Dave? Someone from... someone you knew as Ami, or...?

[ Or as an alien. ]

[ Ami shrugs and nods. She hasn't had a flashback flashback, like, from trauma or anything, so she's not sure exactly how the two compare, but they're probably close enough. Ben lucked out, in this case - this memory was pretty standard, as such things go. It was rougher that time she remembered dying. ]

It's... okay? I mean, it is what it is.

[ Good or bad, she can't really do anything about it. As for Dave: ]

Both. I knew him back home, and past me also knew past him. Sort of. They weren't friends or anything, I'm pretty sure she only met him after he was already dead.

[ And Ami's relationship with Present Dave is ... let's just say complicated. ]

Hey, I remember not so long ago you saying how much you wanted to know, whether it was good or bad, so...

[ It's a gentle sort of chiding, trying to help her see a silver lining by reminding her of how much she'd seemed to hate the not knowing.

As for actually sorting out what she's talking about, between the past life apparently and Recollé and here, it's something that takes a moment for Ben to parse. ]

So... he got reincarnated, too? And past-you knew him as... a ghost? Is seeing ghosts normal or was that just her?

[ He definitely seems to remember telling Ami about dying and being a ghost for a decade and a half, so she might understand his curiosity on this matter. Then, because he doesn't want all his questions to be hard ones, he asks, with a crooked little half-smile: ]

And why'd you say he was stupid?

Edited 2019-10-17 01:26 (UTC)

[ She lets out a little puff of laughter - I mean, he's got her there, she pleads no contest. She really did want to know, before she realized what that would mean for her. Careful what you wish for, I guess!

Lotta questions there though, so, uh... going in order? She ticks them off on her fingers. ]

Yes, yes, no, and yes. [ The invisibility of ghosts was actually important in that memory she just remembered, but ain't nobody got time for that I guess - because actually his last question is the hardest one! Her relationship with Dave is Complicated. ]

Because he is stupid! Ugh. He's one of those people who can talk and talk and talk and talk, but if you try and engage him about anything important, he clams up like - like a clammy clam at a clam bake. [ She brushes a stray hair out of her face, irritated. ] There was this whole group of us whose past selves knew each other, and Dave remembered the most out of any of us, but he'd never talk about it, he'd just... drop these cryptic tidbits occasionally so we'd know he knew. It was so frustrating.

[ Well, those are at least a few details he can hold onto. This past version of Ami could see ghosts, even though that wasn't usual. Other people had been reincarnated, the same way she was. She's not a unique case, entirely.

And when she describes her friend (?) Dave - someone who makes a lot of noise but doesn't say anything or want to talk about the important stuff, Ben can't help a little smile. ]

Oh, yeah. I know a chatty clam like that, myself.

[ Klaus, he's calling you out. Although that particular not-sharing-important-information disease applies to quite a few of his siblings, come to think of it.

But now isn't the time for dragging his siblings. He's too curious about this group she's describing. ]

So a whole bunch of you, your past selves knew each other, and then you all met again? That can't be a coincidence, right?

[ I mean she did say there were hundreds of people like her, so not quite unique, but shh it's fine. At any rate, she's glad Ben knows the kind of bullshit she's talking about. ]

What else would it be? You mean like, fate?

I - guess?!

[ He sounds unconvinced, but like he's really grasping at straws here. Ben smiles, shaking his head and shrugging. ]

I don't know, Ami. I didn't even know reincarnation was actually a thing until like 2 minutes ago, okay? I'm just saying... statistically, that's got to be super unlikely. Out of all the people in the world, and you ran into each other a second time?

[ Ben might not know the answer to that mystery, but he can recognize that it is a mystery. ]

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