redshiftrp | video; @Qubit

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video; @Qubit

[ Though Qubit generally prefers text, he's found that for whatever reason, people seem to think he's more sincere when he uses video. So he goes with that - you only get one first impression. ]

Good morning, Anchor. You may have noticed a grocery store, of all things, has appeared just outside the main airlock... Ah. I'm Qubit, by the way, should have led with that. Anyways, I've taken the liberty of scouting the place out, and I have good news and bad news.

Good news - near as I can tell, the food's still fresh. Bad news - that's more than I can say for the customers. If you do go, don't go alone, and be ready to defend yourself. It turns out the place has a bit of an undead problem.

[ He shrugs, as if to say "because of course it does." ]

On the plus side, the radiation levels are rather lower than I expected. I'd still recommend suiting up if you can, but you should be all right provided you don't - aah!!

[ As he was talking, something whirred in the background, and now a laser bolt hits the wall not a foot from his head. Startled, he drops the comm, but his voice can be heard receding in the background. ]

Son of a bi- [ the feed ends. ]

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Wh- [ another laser bolt hits nearby, making him duck ] Do I look like I'm in the grocery store, you addle-pated wood chipper?

[ He went and came back, and then got shot at. Obviously!! (But actually it's impossible to tell, he has not gotten a single good shot of the background this entire video.) ]

I dunno, maybe. Looks like you're about to die though. And me without any popcorn.

[If the wood chipper comment was supposed to be an insult he either doesn't get it, or he's ignoring it.]

Have you tried turning it off?

[ Qubit doesn't even bat an eye at the popcorn thing. Apparently, this is what passes for friendly banter with him. Is that sad? That's probably sad. ]

Of course I've tried that! But I'm pinned down, and they're out of my range. [ a few more muffled pew pews in the background. ] You can fight, can't you? If you've got time for all this jabbering, you've got time to get up here and help me.

[ Why Qubit thinks he would be remotely willing to do this is a mystery for the ages. ]

Sure I can. But I'm here and you're there. Real shame.

And I don't know where you are.

Also I don't care.

Oh that one was close. I give you about fifteen minutes before you get fried.

[ Qubit sneers and rolls his eyes. THEN FUCK YOU TOO, PAL. ]

Well, this has been productive. I feel right at home.

[ He doesn't gotta put up with this shit! And in fact he hangs up. ]

They should put me on the welcoming committee.

[He chuckles. Oh he likes you already. Alright, where's this guy at. He actually gets up and goes looking for him. ]

[ Qubit's up on the surface level, not far from the main airlock. He's taken cover by wedging himself into a doorway, but every time he pokes his head out to gauge the situation, he gets shot at. The turrets have not forgotten where he is, unfortunately.

There are about four of them trained on his location, and though he hasn't seen them yet, a couple of robots are headed his way. ]

[Well well well. That's certainly a situation that Qubit has gotten himself into. On the one hand he's clearly trapped, but on the other he's lasted more than Kabal's 15 minute prediction so that's sorta impressive.

Pulling one of the swords off his back Kabal runs past in front of the turrets to see if they'll track him. If Qubit is looking it'll look a bit like Kabal disappears into a strange aura of purple energy and then pops back into existence a short distance away. And while most people can't see him when he runs that fast, the machines certainly can and turn to follow.

Good for Kabal that their bullets can't hit him like that, but he comes out of it spinning his sword in front of him to deflect them anyway. Now that he's out of their reach they refocus on Qubit.

Hm.]

You really got yourself fucked over with this one.

[ Kabal's sudden appearance is a surprise, mostly because Qubit wasn't expecting him to turn up at all. That little disappearing act of his, too. Teleportation? No - the guns never lost him. More of a flash-step, then.

In leaning out to watch him, though, even just those couple inches, he invites a new round of fire, and ducks back in just as quickly. He was able to catch a glimpse of the approaching robots, too. Cool. Four turrets, two robots, and a complete wildcard. ]

[ humorlessly: ] Really? I'm so glad you're here to tell me these things.

[ Still, it could be worse. The turrets may be out of range for his technokinesis, but if he can bait the robots to within ten meters or so... but there's a nonzero possibility Toothenstein here will break them before he gets the chance. ]

What's your game? I don't see any popcorn.

What would this place do without me?

[oh hey! Robots! Yeah he's totally going to break them. As soon as one so much as raises a hand to fire at him he dashes forward, swinging his hooksword with enough force to chop its head off and send the metal appendage bouncing towards Qubit. Don't say he never got you anything.]

Its in the microwave waiting to go. I'm just here to turn the cameras back on so I can watch. You rudely cut the feed and I don't even have commercials to fill the time.

[Though he doesn't seem to be going anywhere ]

[ Qubit wastes no time snatching the robot head. Ordinarily, this would be more than enough to work with. He could throw together a force field, or a gun, or an EMP generator, or any of the possibilities racing through his mind - but with his powers on the fritz, what can he actually implement?

A poor worker blames his tools, isn't that what you always say?

For just a second, Qubit's eyes light up with a bluish glow. That should do it - sometimes even small changes can net big results. The head looks the same, but it starts to whir loudly and vibrate in his hands. ]

Pity. The live show's always better.

[ Right, better not hold onto this thing any longer. It's fairly heavy, so he hefts it with a sort of underhand throw at the other robot. If Kabal's still anywhere near it, Qubit doesn't seem to care - he's easily fast enough to dodge.

Dodge what? Why, the improvised frag grenade, obviously. As the head lands, its moving parts - modified to spin up to far higher speeds than they were engineered for - abruptly fail, tearing the whole thing apart and sending shrapnel flying in all directions. It doesn't actually destroy anything, but it does take out one of the robot's guns and damage a couple of turrets.

He blames his tools. ]

Yeah but then I gotta wear pants.

[Though he supposes technically no one is forcing him to wear pants. Not like anyone would stop him from traipsing around totally naked. But that's beside the point.

He's not anticipating that the robot head he chopped off would come flying back, and especially that it would explode so while he does dart away, it's a little too late and he gets some shrapnel embedded in his jacket that he brushes off with a glare towards Qubit.]

Thanks for that. Real helpful.

[Except for it was and now Kabal is able to slice one of the turrets in half without getting riddled with bullets. He darts back and forth, sending the remaining robot spinning while he continues to take the turrets down piece by piece.]

[ Lol whoops. Qubit responds only with a dull sneer and an exaggerated shrug. Y'know, somehow he can't bring himself to be sorry? Nobody actually got hurt, and besides - I don't know if anyone's told you this yet, Kabal, but you're kind of a dick.

Anyway, it gave him an opening, didn't it? While Kabal's occupied with the turrets (and more importantly, while they're occupied with him), Qubit makes his way to the remaining robot and, with a wave of his hand, disconnects its power source.

And... I guess that's the last of them! Well, that solved their problem pretty handily. Qubit takes a second to straighten his lapels like the smug bastard he is. ]

And, scene.

[The last piece of a turret goes flying and Kabal looks pretty proud of himself. Well it's hard to tell with half his face covered but he's definitely exuding overly cocky asshole right now.]

You're not a bad sidekick.

[Because obviously Kabal is the hero and main character of this little story.]

What'd you do to that one? Because if it turns back on and starts shooting you while I'm busy washing my hair you're gonna end up as a stain on the wall for the cleaning crew to tackle.

[ HA HA fuck you too buddy. Qubit just rolls his eyes. He could name a few people who'd happily choose that hill to die on, but he's not one of them. Because he is a mature adult. ]

Funny, I wouldn't have pegged you as the "personal hygiene" type.

[ ... Most of the time. Anyway, he gives the robot a friendly pat on the shoulder. ]

Not to worry, I've disconnected its power source. It won't be ambushing anyone in the showers for a while.

[A mature adult sidekick.]

Now that's just hurtful.

[Doesn't he sound hurt? Anyway, he kicks the robot over for good measure because fuck these things.]

Why didn't you do that in the first place and then I wouldn't have to come up here and rescue you?

I told you, they were out of range of my powers. [ He does not precisely specify what that range is. ] But I suppose I should thank you for showing up. You have a name?

Uh-huh. Sure they were.

[Or maybe you just wanted to be a damsel in distress Qubit.]

Kabal.

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video; @Qubit

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