> Ami: Reach out. ( text | @aa )

[livingdeadgirl]

[ Like most, Ami arrives confused and afraid. As soothing as Idris Elba's deep British voiceover is, the video still raises at least as many questions as it answers. First off, why is it Idris Elba? And if the very first room is in disrepair - there's exactly one living plant, incongruously - how much of the rest was false advertising, too?

The simplest and safest first step, though, is to grab a communicator and start skimming through the messages. One is like three hours long, she skips that for now... something something wreckage... something something antique documents... (Where are the timestamps? How old are these messages?) Ultimately, though, an audio post keeps her attention - a woman, terrified, being pursued by something inhuman.

By the time the sound cuts out, Ami's heart is racing. Suddenly, she's very glad she didn't go straight to exploring. ]

hello?
if anyone is out there, please respond!
my name's Ami Aihara, from Recolle, USA.
I don't know how I got here or what's going on
but I don't think it's safe for me to leave by myself.
I'm in the Idris Elba room. please help!!!

Comments

[livingdeadgirl]

ahh I see
as he transforms it into fixed tech, the broken tech will increase in rarity
thereby making it more valuable
I like it!
granted I feel like it would probably be illegal somehow on Earth
but we are sort of outside that jurisdiction at the moment
in space no one can hear you rig garbage futures

[theweakhavepurpose]

I'm more used to tax evasion back home. Rigging the commodities market is some white collar crime, so I feel like I've leveled up somehow.

Country boy from Montana out here doing corporate espionage shit.

[livingdeadgirl]

well at least you cant be extradited back to earth
then you might have to arrest yourself!

[theweakhavepurpose]

I wonder what our extradition treaty with space is like. Do I have to stand trial here or back home? It might be difficult to explain to a judge on Earth about the broken tech market and my role in artificial inflation.

[livingdeadgirl]

but on the other hand does Anchor have any judges?
or any kind of justice system at all for that matter

(that is a legit question by the way, I don't actually know)

[theweakhavepurpose]

Not that i've seen. It's kinda martial law I guess. Except no one is really fighting each other so that's good.

Maybe there's a security robot for that. If we all start killing each other it'll activate and come taze us.

[livingdeadgirl]

oh nooooo
don't taze me bro

[theweakhavepurpose]

oh man.

So I've been away from home for over a year.

Do you know how many memes I've missed? THAT'S ABOUT 10,000 YEARS IN INTERNET TIME. Also. ALSO. I haven't seen the last season of Game of Thrones.

You know how shitty this is? It's shitty.

[livingdeadgirl]

[ "Game of Thrones"? Is that anything like thinly disguised analogue "Throne of Murders"?

Either way, missing the final season is for the best. ]

oof yeah i forgot this would be a real meme poor environment
but on the plus side that means demand is high!
if we make our own memes, we can totally corner the market!

[theweakhavepurpose]

[I think in Far Cry it was "Throne of Games"]

So we have glowing kittens now, which is ripe for Vine-quality memedom. I don't think the comms have that ability though. Everything would have to be filmed live which sort of kills the replay value of watching the same shit again and again.

At least the stakes are lower. Having a video go viral only needs to be about twenty people and you've gotten most of the population.

[livingdeadgirl]

[ perfection 👌 ]

you could literally hand out pamphlets with your insta on them and suddenly youre the most famous influencer in space

[theweakhavepurpose]

The sponsorship and paid promotion opportunities aren't gonna be real good though. No one's paying me to promote space mountain dew.

[livingdeadgirl]

yeah you gotta be aggressive on the brand deals
maybe you can get one going with Pete's Refurbished Tech
product placement: the oxygen you are breathing

also calling it now, space mountain dew is definitely a Disneyworld spinoff

[theweakhavepurpose]

You like this oxygen? Want more of it? Buy Pete's Refurbished Tech. Act now and we'll also throw in some strange plants and food of dubious quality!

Four easy payments of $19.99.

I could go for a roller coaster. Or those teacups.

[livingdeadgirl]

call now and we'll throw in a tilt-a-whirl, a $60000 value, absolutely free!
yeah though a roller coaster around the atrium would be amazing
we can use the profits to convert this whole place into an amusement park
and we'll call it uh
what was the name of the park in space jam?

[theweakhavepurpose]

And we need a monorail to cart us around so we don't even have to walk.

Fuck.

I don't remember.

I totally just tried to google it.

On this communicator that doesn't have the internet.

This is fucking balls. How are we supposed to live like this?

[livingdeadgirl]

....... good question
it occurs to me google has been around at least as long as I've been alive
I have never known a world without google
what did people do before it?
libraries?

[theweakhavepurpose]

My grandparents had these dusty encyclopedias that smelled like feet.

probably something like that? But I don't think Space Jam made it in the 2018 Encyclopedia.

[livingdeadgirl]

whaaat of course it did its a cinematic classic
easily on par with citizen kane and casablanca

[theweakhavepurpose]

so why isnt it in that fancy criterion collection thing then?

pretty sure the people who write the encyclopedias aren't avente garde like us.

avante? avaunt... avante. I'm worthless without spellcheck.

[livingdeadgirl]

obviously they're using the wrong criterion

[theweakhavepurpose]

I hope you can hear my groan from there.

[livingdeadgirl]

I can and it's glorious

oh right it was called "moron mountain" wasn't it
but anchor's more of a hole in the ground
how about "pit of fools"

[theweakhavepurpose]

Does that self deprecating humor work on people older than us? We need to appeal to the masses here.

[livingdeadgirl]

ah yes the masses
all 20 of them
anyway what do you mean, "older than us"
you're a cop you've gotta be at least 30