01 | video | @lazarus

[benhargreeves]

[ Public speaking is far from Ben's forte, but the good thing about uploading a video like this is that he can do multiple takes. In the frame behind Ben are shelves full of books; he filmed this in that little anteroom of the library that he and Peter had unearthed from the rubble.

He gets right to it; no introductions, no small talk. ]

Can anyone with experience at interpreting maps, handling old and fragile documents, or just anybody who speaks multiple languages please get in contact with me? I found some interesting stuff in the library a while back but I'm not making much progress with it.

[ A pause, and he seems about to terminate the video. Then he adds as an afterthought: ]

Oh, and I guess if anybody is just looking for something good to read to pass the time, I can help out with that. I can check if a particular book is down here, or recommend something.

[ Ben's self-appointed himself as the de facto librarian of the Anchor, because he wants to contribute in some way, and he's always been a bit of a bookworm. ]

Comments

[eudorapatch]

[ If Ben is willing to pretend that they didn't have a deeply personal and agonizing conversation and then avoid one another for a month, she is absolutely going to go along with it. She's even going to not poke at it to figure out if they were actually avoiding one another, or if she's just been avoiding him. Healthiest thing ever? Probably not. She's still gonna do it. ]

No biographies. Something entertaining. Fiction. No mysteries-- too much like work. That's... not going to help me get out of my head.

[ Anything that makes her think of her old life is the wrong kind of distraction. It'll put her in one of those staticky feedback loops that she has no idea how to break herself out of. Exhaustion can't continue to be her only coping mechanism. ]

[benhargreeves]

[ When she specifies no biographies, Ben can't help smiling. A woman of refined taste. ]

Gotcha. Well, books are just about the best way to get out of your head I know of, and I can definitely recommend some good escapist fiction.

[ Ben has been following her lead, since their last meeting. That had been his offer that he was around if she needed, but... apparently what she needed was to not actually talk to him. Which is fine, no hard feelings. He gets that his mere existence, not to mention his family connections and how their paths had crossed, probably brings up a lot of confusing and bad stuff for her. ]

Can you tell me a few of your favorites, other things you've read you liked? It'll help me narrow it down.

[eudorapatch]

Well...

[ She considers this for a bit. ]

I used to like science fiction quite a lot. Somehow I have the feeling that it will have lost a lot of its charm after seeing this place.

--> private

[benhargreeves]

You'll never know until you try.

[ That is alarming, though. The pessimistic tone, and all that implies about how well Patch has been doing off on her own in the time since they last spoke. Maybe letting her isolate herself hadn't been a good idea after all. ]

And this place isn't all that bad. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop the first few weeks, but it's not like a lot of the other places people have told me about, where there's wars and people getting experimented on and all kinds of shit. We're here, and alive. I think that's pretty charming. Even if it comes with some lockdowns and powerouts and stuff.

[eudorapatch]

[ Patch makes a considering sound in the back of her throat. He's trying. Still... her problem isn't that the stories won't be good. ]

It's just-- not science fiction any more. It's fact, it's life. I liked having a complete escape from reality.

[ Except this is reality now. Strange planets and aliens and futuristic science. It's her new fact. ]

[benhargreeves]

[ Ben thinks there's probably some sci-fi books that are different enough that they might work as escapism, but it's not worth pushing. Still, no pushback from her on not thinking this place is so bad, so... worrying. ]

Okay, fair. What about urban fantasy? Maybe that'll be more your thing, now. Or you could try historical stuff. Pirates and court intrigue and all that.

[eudorapatch]

[ Patch perks up a little bit, though Ben won't be able to see it. Maybe it changes her voice just a little bit. Maybe it doesn't. These phones are pretty weird, after all. ]

Is there something down there about pirates?

[benhargreeves]

[ Now they're getting somewhere! ]

I am sure I saw at least a couple pirated-related books, hang tight.

[ A good ten minutes later: ]

Alright looks like your options are: pirate romance novel - looks trashy and fun - or pirate quest - think this one's got a kraken in it - or something a little more Moby-Dick-like and nitty gritty about kinds of knots, maybe a bit more dense but more historically accurate and possibly rewarding. That can be a kind of escape, too; reading something written in a completely different time.

[eudorapatch]

Have you ever read one of those bodice rippers? Completely unrealistic, and not in the good way. Besides, questionable consent seems to be a pretty common theme and it's-- not for me.

[ She won't actually say that it's fucked up. Even if she feels that it is. It's fiction, and judging the actions of fictional characters against the standards of the real world seems kind of useless, in the long term. Still not her thing, though. ]

I think I'll take the kraken and the doorstop. Hopefully one of them will stick.

[benhargreeves]

They're not all as bad as you're making it sound, but they're not really my preferred genre either.

[ Ben loves a good romance novel now and then, but he's obviously not about to say that NOW. ]

Good choice. You should let me know if either of them are good. I could use a little escapism, too.

[eudorapatch]

[ If she had thought for a moment he was the type, she would have kept that opinion to herself. And maybe she's just been exposed to the wrong ones, but the type of smutty novella that the Tías pass around between their little group, reading in the shade of a tree at the park or in someone's back yard while the younger kids play around them, somehow being watched like hawks even though every woman has her nose buried in a book, those have never been her taste. All the drama of kidnappings and mistaken identities and a no being worn down into a yes. Why can't it just be yes?

She's letting her mind wander to keep from being present in the conversation. She needs to not do that. ]

I will report back. If you just... set them aside someplace for me? I'll try to get down there tonight.

[ That's it. That's all she really needs to say. The conversation is over. And yet... ]

Do you-- I mean, I know we stopped talking about it. I probably shouldn't even-- Never mind.

[ Grown-ass adult over here. God, she sucks at this when it's her own life. Like, to a staggering degree. ]

[benhargreeves]

I can do that.

[ He thinks that will be the end of the conversation, too. Because Patch has showed no interest in talking to him further, despite his offer to listen if she ever needed to. And Ben gets that, and respects it.

So it's a surprise when she keeps going. And that surprise becomes worry when she starts to ask something, cuts herself off, criticizes herself, and tells him to ignore the whole thing. He is for sure not going to do that now. ]

Do I what?

[ But that isn't enough, he thinks, and tries some light coaxing, mingled with encouragement. Maybe it will be easier for her like this - not in person, but with some distance and the filter of a network between them. ]

I told you you could talk to me if you needed to, about anything. I meant it. That wasn't an offer with an expiration date.

[eudorapatch]

[ Well, shit. If he's just going to lay it out like that. ]

What makes you so sure that no one else was coming for your brother?

[ Direct. Direct is good. ]

[benhargreeves]

[ Oh we're just going right to this, huh? Well... no time like the present. And in a way it's easier to do this remotely, for Ben's sake anyway. He just hopes it is helpful to Patch. ]

I know my family. I know how they react to situations. I know Klaus. He's an addict.
Has been since we were kids. When he disappears, no one goes looking anymore. They just assume he doesn't want to be found, and usually, that was true.

[eudorapatch]

[ It's been eating at her, and with Ben's reply, she's actually really glad that she asked. Not realizing he was gone, that's not something she'd considered. She knows how she is with her family. If one of her siblings ever went missing, there would be no doubt immediately. The people who vanish without anyone noticing, in her professional experience, they're usually those who are totally and completely disconnected from the people around them. That's not the impression she got from the Hargreeves siblings, so the idea that they wouldn't go looking...

The reality is still sad, but it's better. ]

I'm a little ashamed to admit that that wasn't how I'd been picturing the situation. Thank you. I feel better.