text; | @poison

[writtendestiny]

[A few conversations have led her to mulling more on this than she would do normally. Maybe it's the lack of having to fight for her life constantly, or certain questions she's been asked, but...]

Is there a way to find out if you're a clone? Does it matter if you are?

Does it mean you're worth less?

Comments

[writtendestiny]

I feel like I should try to find out, but I'm not sure if I want to know for sure.

[benhargreeves]

Should can be a tricky word.
Should because you have the opportunity here, maybe, and don't want to miss out?
Should because you feel like you owe it to other people?
Should because somehow that seems like the only option?
There's a lot of messed up 'should's that are bullshit is all I'm saying.

What will it change for you, if it's true?

[writtendestiny]

I don't think you really understand.
I've been in a place where I died three times, and every time I came back I was still me, but not me. A slightly different me, every time.
I haven't had that much time to think about it before now, but maybe that's the reason I haven't gone home yet.

What if what I am now doesn't belong there anymore? What if the original version of me has already gone home, and this is all that's left for me? Never belonging anywhere, ever again.

I don't owe it to anybody. It isn't something to 'miss out' on. It might change everything, or nothing. I can't get it out of my head, and I'm terrified, but I need to know.

[benhargreeves]

If you need to know, you need to know. I'm not a science whiz but I'll do what I can to help that happen for you.

I'm not really sure how much Peter's told you about me or what you know but I'm not exactly a complete stranger to the whole 'what the fuck am I, how am I alive, do I even belong here' panic. Trust me.

I haven't got any neat and tidy answers for you. I don't know about that place you were before here or about your home. But I can tell you THIS is a place full of people who don't belong anywhere else. And I don't think that's a bad thing. I'm pretty sure if I know anything, it's that you belong here. No matter what answer you find out.

[writtendestiny]

[He's trying to help, but it's not really the right thing to say. Poison doesn't reply for several minutes, but when she does, her stance is fairly simply put.]

I don't belong here. None of us belong here.

[benhargreeves]

[ Speak for yourself, girl. Ben feels like he belongs here, more than he ever did in his own world. But he can tell Poison is sort of going through it, right now, so he keeps that little flicker of annoyance to himself. ]

What makes you say that?
Just because we're not originally from here?

I mean, how are you defining belonging, for a start?

[writtendestiny]

Are you saying that I should be open to the idea of 'belonging' somewhere that took me from my home.
Somewhere that will hold me prisoner and not allow me the freedom of leaving.
Somewhere that took my destiny from me and not for the first time, but for the third.
Somewhere that I cannot trust, because I can never truly know why I'm here or what I'm going to be used for. What experiments. What tests. What will be done to me next.

I won't.

I belong where I came from.

But right now, I don't even know if I can ever go back there.

[benhargreeves]

[ Ben can't imagine seeing this place that way - like a prison, to be resented and mistrusted. But then, he hadn't had anything, before he came here. He'd been stuck between life and death, isolated and miserable. Here, he's alive again, he has friends for the first time in his life, is thinking hopefully about the future for the first time he can ever remember.

But there's no mistaking how upset Poison is. Sounds like here she's stuck and isolated and miserable, and Ben remembers how angry that feeling can make you. ]

So it sounds like maybe the thing isn't... not knowing if you're a clone or not, but really wanting to go home and thinking that if you're a clone you can't?

This might be a stupid question, but have you got any clues on how you might try to get yourself back home?

Is there any way I could help?

[writtendestiny]

How exactly do you think you could help?

[benhargreeves]

Honestly? I don't really know.

It just seems like you're hurting and that sucks, and I want to help change that, if I can.

[writtendestiny]

If you want to help, then you can help me to find the answer to my question.

[benhargreeves]

[ God, wouldn't it be great if his powers let him do something actually helpful like this. But no. He's just got murder tentacles.

So Ben thinks of what other skills he might offer and settles on: ]

Okay. I will have a look through the library, see if I can find anything there that might be helpful to finding an answer.

[writtendestiny]

Thank you.

[She appreciates the offer of something helpful, despite the clear irritation of earlier.]

I'll check the computers.