video; @aa [backdated to late November]

[livingdeadgirl]

[ At first, the video doesn't actually show Ami's face. It's pointed down at a desk where her hands are resting, with a handmade wire bracelet on one wrist and her fingernails painted black. A Sharpie and a stack of index cards rests nearby. ]

Hey, guys. It's Ami. Hope you're all feeling better out there. That was a heck of a flu season, huh? Haha.

[ She takes a deep breath, bracing herself, but her voice sounds a little nervous nonetheless. ]

Aaaanyway. There's something I need to tell you all. [ Waves her hands - ] It's not bad, promise! It's just that ... some people have found it pretty alarming, and it's not really something I can keep to myself anymore. But since it's really weird and complicated, I figured I should give you some context.

[ She flips over the top index card in the stack, positioning it where the camera can see. ]


So the short version is, I am reincarnated from the soul of a dead alien.

[ quickly - ] Now before you say anything, yeah, I know that sounds like the most cringey, otherkin BS you have ever heard, but this is not me being crazy or delusional, I can prove it's for real. And I'm going to, at the end of the video. So hear me out.

[ She flips over the ensuing cards one at a time, providing commentary as she goes. It's like a Draw My Life, a little bit, if anybody remembers those. ]


My past self's name was Aradia. As previously stated, she was an alien. Specifically, they are called "trolls". [ apologetically- ] Which is a loaded term for some of you, I know, but ... they're not that. They're not infected or contagious or poisonous or anything, they just coincidentally happened to pick a really unfortunate name for themselves.

Also, they do not live under bridges. But they do hassle people over the Internet, that stereotype is a hundred percent true. Anyway!


Being what I am comes with a few wacky side effects. Like... I sometimes get these super vivid visions of my past. So if I randomly zone out in the middle of a conversation, it's probably that. Also, her life was really weird and I don't understand much of it yet. There's this whole "computer game that alters reality" thing, she was some kind of robot for a while... I dunno. It's even stranger to me, I promise.


It also means I'm eventually gonna get her superpowers! I can already see ghosts like she could. She also had telekinesis and time powers, but alas, I have not unlocked those skill trees yet. I'm looking forward to it, though! Then I'll finally be able to keep up with the cool kids.

Oh - shout-out to my dude Spider-Man, by the way! Seriously, if you guys see Peter today, give him a hug or something, all right? He's been working his butt off lately, and also always, so let's show him some appreciation. [ two thumbs up! ]

Anyway, where was I. Powers... okay. For right now, the most relevant part iiiis ...


I am gradually taking on Aradia's physical traits, too. Eventually, my body will become exactly like hers, squeedlyspooch and all. Which, uh... is gonna be interesting, not gonna lie! Haha... [ That's an understatement, it's actually kind of terrifying! ] ... But, it's also not as bad as it sounds. It doesn't hurt, and it's not contagious. A-and I'm still gonna be Ami on the other end! Just a slightly different Ami, who happens to also be Aradia.

[ After letting that all settle for a moment, she flips over the last card. ]


Now I know, it's a little unorthodox to do a face reveal for people who have seen your face already, so... I dunno, maybe I should have called it a Re-Reveal, I guess. [ laughs- ] It's fine, we'll fix it in post. Okay, gimme oooone second here...

[ Her hands reach up and pick up the camera, and the image jostles for a few seconds before coming to rest on her face. ]


Okay. Hi, guys! This is me. No makeup, no filter, just... me.

[ It's ... really not that different from how she looked before? The whites of her eyes have turned yellow, but otherwise she still looks like a regular human teenager. And she already wore black lipstick most of the time, so that's not a phenomenal change. ]

[ A few seconds of awkward silence follow, buuut after a moment Ami straightens up her index cards and taps the stack on the table. ]

... Sooo, yeah! If you have any questions or anything, let me know in the comments. Or at dinner, if you want. Oh - and as always, be sure to like and subscribe! Haha, just kidding.

Comments

[abheirrant]

I wonder how many of us are otherwise, hidden right beneath our noses.

[Not human, he means.]

[livingdeadgirl]

You mean, how many people look human but aren't? ... That's a good question. Because first, how are we defining "human"? Are we going solely by physical traits and genetics, or a more cultural human-ness? I mean, I've grown up human in a human society, and I still identify as a human, mostly, even though my soul and parts of my body technically aren't.

[abheirrant]

And what of when none of the you that you are now remains? When you are fully this... Aradia. Will you still identify as human when there no physical humanity left in you? How will you know where the human you ends and the... troll you begins?

[He clearly has a lot of thoughts on this.]

[livingdeadgirl]

[ Another good question, and one that Ami's given a lot of thought as well. She takes a moment to consider it, lifting her chin from her hands and lacing her fingers together. ]

Well, I don't know for sure. A lot could happen between now and then. But... I don't think I'll ever see myself as fully non-human. My life and experiences as Ami Aihara aren't going anywhere. That stuff doesn't cease to matter just because my physical self is changing.

[ She'll still have her human parents, even if they don't human recognize her the next time they meet... Oof. A flicker of sadness crosses her face, but she shakes her head a little to banish it. That's off topic, she'll cross that bridge when she gets there, if such a bridge even exists. ]

... Anyway, I'm not sure it's a question of "human me versus troll me." For a long time, I was trying to think of her as someone separate. As, like, this weird dead girl who kept butting in and taking over my life. But in hindsight, I don't think that was actually ... helpful? Because she's not separate. I already am fully Aradia, and she is fully me.

It's like - [ ah! a helpful metaphor occurs to her, and she shifts in her seat, straightening up a little. ] Okay. Let's say you have two sisters sharing a bedroom, right? So they each have half the room. But the older one keeps leaving her stuff on her sister's side of the room. And the younger sister is like "stop that," and eventually she takes some tape and makes a physical line down the middle of the room to demarcate whose half is whose.

But later, she realizes she doesn't have an older sister. It was all her own stuff! In that light, marking off part of the room as "not mine" seems pretty silly, right?

[abheirrant]

I would say the fact she hallucinated having a sister in the first place is the far sillier aspect of that example, and it brings into question what else about herself she's been blind to for all those years.

[livingdeadgirl]

[ laughs ] Haha, okay, that's fair! It is not a perfect metaphor.

[ She rubs her arm sheepishly. ] ... Although, I'm not going to claim I have no issues. I have been blind to a lot of things about myself, until recently, and I still am. There's a lot I still don't know about who I am, where I came from... why I'm here. That kind of thing. I'm sure past me still has plenty of surprises for present me, and I'm not so naïve as to think they will all be pleasant ones.

[abheirrant]

[He hms to himself on the other end, and is quiet for a moment as he considers her words.]

I don't think I would accept finding out I am someone else with nearly the composure you are, even if we were already one and the same, essentially.

[Spoiler: he didn't the time just that happened.]

[livingdeadgirl]

Well, it's not like I just found out. I've known for about a year and a half, so I've had some time to get used to the idea.

Although I shouldn't discount the role of my support network, either! Back home, there were a bunch of us all in the same situation, but even in Anchor, I have friends who I know I can talk to about all this. Even if they need a lot more exposition first, haha.

[abheirrant]

Friends, and the entire network, if this discussion is any indication.

[livingdeadgirl]

[ laughs again ] Well, yeah, that too! Everybody here has been surprisingly chill about it. But maybe that's because we're all so used to weird stuff already? I mean, we all come from wildly different worlds, and we're living in a derelict space colony. The weirdness baseline is a little higher.

[abheirrant]

I suppose it is. It's so easy to forget that there are people here who come from worlds without magic, and how strange to me that is, while others see magic itself as the oddity.