[ Ben's mind is a resilient thing. Even as Kieran is saying the one thing he doesn't have to worry about is whether Kieran likes him, it is suggesting that that is only temporary. Hearing a garbled explanation about squid is one thing. If Kieran saw Ben using his powers. If he knew just how many people he'd killed, how young he was when he started. If he had all the information, wouldn't he change his mind?
He lets out a very shaky sigh, blinking rapidly when Kieran calls him a good person. Why does it hurt? Kind words, a gentle pat on the shoulder. Those are supposed to be things that make him feel better. And they do, in a way. But they also make something inside him ache terribly. And it's frightening. Ben, who has by himself fought off a dozen and more men armed with machine guns without batting an eye, is scared by a little gentle treatment.
When Kieran says his dad sounds like an asshole, the tension breaks and Ben laughs softly. Maybe it's an inappropriate reaction but it's just such a wild understatement. ]
He-
[ Ben breaks off. Where to even start? ]
He was always sure he was doing the right thing. For a long time he had me convinced of it, too. He thought that he was going to save the whole world. And we... my brothers and sisters and I, we were- [ Ben swallows, eyes sliding away from Kieran as he goes on: ] We were... things he was going to use to do that. So whatever he had to do to us, to make us into what he needed... well, it was necessary.
[ Turning towards Eavan, Ben tentatively holds up his hand for her to snuffle at, and then is gently patting her bridled face, cautious. He had resented Vanya so much, for saying things like this in her book. But then, Ben isn't writing this down and publishing it for money. He is telling a single, trusted friend, in halting, painful words. Each one takes such effort. ]
He bought us. When he heard about all of us being born, he flew around the world and. Bought as many of us as he could get.
[ It's a small detail, really, amongst the rest, but Ben thinks it speaks a lot to Reginald's general attitude towards his children. That they were his. Property, not a thing to be proud of. ]
no subject
He lets out a very shaky sigh, blinking rapidly when Kieran calls him a good person. Why does it hurt? Kind words, a gentle pat on the shoulder. Those are supposed to be things that make him feel better. And they do, in a way. But they also make something inside him ache terribly. And it's frightening. Ben, who has by himself fought off a dozen and more men armed with machine guns without batting an eye, is scared by a little gentle treatment.
When Kieran says his dad sounds like an asshole, the tension breaks and Ben laughs softly. Maybe it's an inappropriate reaction but it's just such a wild understatement. ]
He-
[ Ben breaks off. Where to even start? ]
He was always sure he was doing the right thing. For a long time he had me convinced of it, too. He thought that he was going to save the whole world. And we... my brothers and sisters and I, we were- [ Ben swallows, eyes sliding away from Kieran as he goes on: ] We were... things he was going to use to do that. So whatever he had to do to us, to make us into what he needed... well, it was necessary.
[ Turning towards Eavan, Ben tentatively holds up his hand for her to snuffle at, and then is gently patting her bridled face, cautious. He had resented Vanya so much, for saying things like this in her book. But then, Ben isn't writing this down and publishing it for money. He is telling a single, trusted friend, in halting, painful words. Each one takes such effort. ]
He bought us. When he heard about all of us being born, he flew around the world and. Bought as many of us as he could get.
[ It's a small detail, really, amongst the rest, but Ben thinks it speaks a lot to Reginald's general attitude towards his children. That they were his. Property, not a thing to be proud of. ]