[Gokudera's felt love before. From many people. It's always different. He's taken firsts, given and lost his own. There's always some ache, and never true regret. The only hurt is in not being with those he has loved, and he won't share that pain. He wants those around him to be able to feel strong and supported by him. And two years of being so much less, for having his worth be cast aside, manipulated and abused... he wants to forget it all.
But there's intimacy in the other boy's eyes. No matter what world, or what either of them have been through, there is a pull between them. There always has been. Gokudera never thought it would ever happen. Always assumed that at best they would be friends, that his feelings would be unrequited and he would have to nurse his wounds left by Amoi on his own. The longing has ached him, made every look at Yamamoto feel painful and sweet with familiarity and while the other reaches for purpose, Gokudera's purpose had to turn in. He's never been good at being kind to himself. When Yamamoto directs that kindness at him, it is a vivid, startling reminder that there is good in people.
Yamamoto has always been kind, even when he's dangerous... even when they fought. It was for the benefit of those he cared for. Gokudera feels warmth spread in his chest when Yamamoto looks at him, wanting and willing happiness for him.
Of course, he wants to be happy. Who doesn't? But there is so much more wrapping around it. Gokudera's capable of accepting others, being bold and timid all at once. Being humble and suffering in silence feels constant, and yet when Yamamoto looks at him, it's more than just the two of them staring in silence with little more than bated breath and gauze between them. Yamamoto can see right through him, can be strong for him, and Gokudera's pride crumbles.
He's got to do something, but...
What?
There is no fear as Yamamoto moves close to him. Gokudera does not make to pull away, is willing and eager and... never able to hold himself back. At first, the soft touch of lips to his own is almost unbelievable. There's a second where Gokudera thinks maybe he's dreaming but then whatever tether he has on himself, those self-imposed restraints snap and his eyes shut and he tilts his head to the side, pressing back. Gokudera is filled with feverish heat, eagerness jumping to his mind and he struggles to not get ahead of himself. This is a first, and he will respect that, but he'll be damned if he lets Yamamoto think for a second that he doesn't want this.
Gokudera's hands shift, one on the stretcher supporting Yamamoto's weight, and the other reaching up to settle where it had been before on the other boy's chest. He's not pushing, and not gripping, just allowing Yamamoto to enjoy his first kiss, and to be close, welcoming more. They're both so much better at communicating through action than words, and he can't tell what he wants to express through this more than his affection. It's warm and feels right, welcome, and he never thought he'd be this close with the other boy again, after he was left on his own. His thoughts echo the way Yamamoto looked at him, clinging onto this moment and he almost can't breathe.
This is the first time without any other influence. It's sobering, literally and so empowering. He could have done this before! There have been so many missed opportunities! Gokudera's full of bittersweet happiness that he could cry, and he whimpers against Yamamoto's lips.
OMGomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
But there's intimacy in the other boy's eyes. No matter what world, or what either of them have been through, there is a pull between them. There always has been. Gokudera never thought it would ever happen. Always assumed that at best they would be friends, that his feelings would be unrequited and he would have to nurse his wounds left by Amoi on his own. The longing has ached him, made every look at Yamamoto feel painful and sweet with familiarity and while the other reaches for purpose, Gokudera's purpose had to turn in. He's never been good at being kind to himself. When Yamamoto directs that kindness at him, it is a vivid, startling reminder that there is good in people.
Yamamoto has always been kind, even when he's dangerous... even when they fought. It was for the benefit of those he cared for. Gokudera feels warmth spread in his chest when Yamamoto looks at him, wanting and willing happiness for him.
Of course, he wants to be happy. Who doesn't? But there is so much more wrapping around it. Gokudera's capable of accepting others, being bold and timid all at once. Being humble and suffering in silence feels constant, and yet when Yamamoto looks at him, it's more than just the two of them staring in silence with little more than bated breath and gauze between them. Yamamoto can see right through him, can be strong for him, and Gokudera's pride crumbles.
He's got to do something, but...
What?
There is no fear as Yamamoto moves close to him. Gokudera does not make to pull away, is willing and eager and... never able to hold himself back. At first, the soft touch of lips to his own is almost unbelievable. There's a second where Gokudera thinks maybe he's dreaming but then whatever tether he has on himself, those self-imposed restraints snap and his eyes shut and he tilts his head to the side, pressing back. Gokudera is filled with feverish heat, eagerness jumping to his mind and he struggles to not get ahead of himself. This is a first, and he will respect that, but he'll be damned if he lets Yamamoto think for a second that he doesn't want this.
Gokudera's hands shift, one on the stretcher supporting Yamamoto's weight, and the other reaching up to settle where it had been before on the other boy's chest. He's not pushing, and not gripping, just allowing Yamamoto to enjoy his first kiss, and to be close, welcoming more. They're both so much better at communicating through action than words, and he can't tell what he wants to express through this more than his affection. It's warm and feels right, welcome, and he never thought he'd be this close with the other boy again, after he was left on his own. His thoughts echo the way Yamamoto looked at him, clinging onto this moment and he almost can't breathe.
This is the first time without any other influence. It's sobering, literally and so empowering. He could have done this before! There have been so many missed opportunities! Gokudera's full of bittersweet happiness that he could cry, and he whimpers against Yamamoto's lips.