redshiftrp | text; @onni (backdated to early november)

Where is he?

I'm not allowed to tell you. He doesn't want to see you right now. He got very agitated when I said I wanted to go get you, and it's important right now that he stays calm. He only let me contact you on the condition that I not tell you where we are.

But I'm with him and I'm not going to leave util his fever breaks and I have everything I need to take care of him. I can keep you updated, I just can't let you come here.

Doesn't matter. You need to tell me where he is right now.

It does matter. I gave him my word that I wouldn't tell you where we are. I think that's the only reason he's not trying to run away again.

[ Cho is reading the conversation to Lalli as it happens, showing him the screen so he can see that she's not hiding anything. He's not enjoying it, so as she shows him this latest message and her intended reply, she also offers him a little cube of fudge, even though she is not giving him medicine or taking his temperature at the moment. ]

No. He's delirious and he can't make that kind of decision right now. I'm his guardian, he needs to be with me.

He isn't delirious any more. He's aware of his surroundings and his memory recall is strong. He's not refusing medical care. He is also an adult, not a child, and even though you might not agree with his choices, he has the right to make them. I'm sorry that his decision that he doesn't want to see you is upsetting you, but I'm going to honour it.

Not only because I gave my word, but also because he is strong and alert enough to run away, and that would bring a very real possibility of his fever spiking again. He's safe right now. I can't in good conscience support anything that might risk that.

None of that matters.

I don't even know if you're telling me the truth, because I can't see him. For all I know he could be dying.

Tell me where he is right now.

[ She shows Lalli the comment, and asks him to say something to his cousin to calm him down. Lalli refuses, which is not entirely unexpected, and negotiations begin. In the end, they settle on a batch of fudge every week for two months, or until Cho runs out of sugar, at which point payment will be deferred until she can get more.

Lalli has to use actual words to speak to his cousin, and answer a question to show that he's not delirious, provided Onni stays calm and doesn't upset him.

Setting terms takes a while, and so Cho's response is not immediate. ]

It matters very much to him. He is not dying, and I am not going to tell you where we are, no matter how many times you demand it.

Lalli has agreed to speak to you. You can ask him a question, whatever question you'd like, so that you can hear for yourself that he's not delirious. However, if you upset him, he will end the call and I will not pressure him to let you try again. It's very important that he stay peaceful and calm. If you agree, I'll open up an audio line.

[While waiting for a reply, Onni has started shaking hard enough that he can't type on the tiny keyboard anymore, so he switches to audio while he waits. His breath is coming in short, sharp pulls, his heart is beating so hard it's all he can hear in his ears, and he's pacing back and forth across his room.

When she replies, he squeezes the phone hard, but takes a sharp breath that she'll be able to hear, and when he speaks, his voice is choked with obvious panic.]

Yes. Let me talk to him.

He's here. Hang on, I'll put the phone by him.

[ Cho's voice is calm and patient, keeping the tone she's been using with Lalli this entire time. She just keeps telling herself, in her own mind, that she needs to stay calm and kind and patient, so that she doesn't make Lalli anxious. That's the most important thing now. That he get better. There's a bit of a thump and shuffle while she situates herself near Lalli's head. ]

All right. Lalli, Onni can hear you. You said you would talk to him if he stayed nice and calm, so he's going to stay nice and calm, and you're going to let him know how you're doing, all right?

[ She swaps out the cold washcloth on Lalli's head, to keep him comfortable, and holds out a piece of fudge as she switches her device to speakerphone and moves it near his head. ]

[Onni, for his part, completely ignores what she's saying. What she's saying doesn't matter, to him she's the enemy right now, she's Taru taking Tuuri away all over again, bragging that she's an adult and can make her own choices while she leads her away to die in the Silent World and for Lalli to feel it happen. No. Nothing she says matters.

The moment the phone is set down on speaker, though, he speaks, only able to concentrate enough to make sure he's speaking Finnish. His voice is still rough with barely-restrained sobs - the anger is completely gone, his voice is softer-pitched and a little pleading.]

Lalli? Please make her tell me where you are. Please. I need to see you.

[His voice chokes off in a little sob, but he struggles to hold it back because he knows his crying just shuts Lalli down.]

You don't have to come back with me. You can stay there if you want. I just need to know you're okay. I can't do this again.

[He's apprehensive when he takes the phone from Cho. The thing is, he isn't upset at Onni, and even he's not entirely sure why talking to him seems like such a horrible prospect--but it is, and as he holds it in his hands he feels like an equivalent weight has dropped into his stomach.

And then Onni speaks, and it's all even worse. He'd left because he didn't want this, didn't want to be the source of Onni's stress and upset. Immediately, he curls into himself, with his legs up so that this eyes are pressed into his knees and his hands are over his ears. But the phone is in his hand, so that's still there.

He still has a headache, and it's hard to focus, but he makes the attempt to answer in Finnish as well--it comes out low and whispery and halted with the effort, but it's there.]

I'm okay. You don't have to worry about me.

[It's all he can force out.]

[ Cho is worried by the immediate negative physical reaction that Lalli has. He looks like he wants to do anything other than have to have this conversation. She would be thrilled to hear from her cousin, but Lalli is very clearly not. He's her patient. He's her concern. So she reaches out and takes the phone from him. ]

Hey, you're all right. I'm here. It's just us. You're gong to be just fine.

[ She sits back on her heels and holds the phone near her own mouth to talk to Onni. ]

Talking to you is upsetting him. He's curled up with his hands over his ears, like... he's trying to block out the world? Do you have a question to ask him to check that he's alert?

[ Because if not, Cho is probably going to end the call and see if telling Lalli that Onni can't hear him any more calms his anxiety. ]

I'm always going to worry about you...

[But before he can even finish his sentence she's taking the phone away from Lalli and talking at him again. Almost immediately he's sobbing again, the anger mostly gone out of it now that he's talked to Lalli.]

You don't understand. My sister said she was an adult and she left and went to the Silent World and she died. Someone told me she was fine but she was infected and she died, I can't go through this again, I can't. I need to see him...

[ Cho doesn't hang up on him, because he's clearly in pain, and that hurts her, an ache in her chest that she can't just ignore. She's not going to make Lalli deal with this, though, not when he has his own healing to do. When his temperature has returned to completely normal and the flu is out of his system, she can try and encourage him to go back to his cousin.

So she holds the phone away from her mouth briefly to speak to Lalli... ]

Please stretch out again? I don't want you to get too warm. Do you want me to turn the lights down so you can try and get some sleep?

[ When she brings the phone back to her mouth, she has to take a deep breath to push her own feelings about the situation down. What she's feeling doesn't matter. ]

I can't imagine what that must have been like. Onni, do you-- remember when we first met? In the kitchen? I know you don't know me very well, but do you think I'd lie to you? Is that the impression that you got? I have nothing to gain from not telling you the truth.

[He listens intently, trying to work out how Lalli is doing, trying to figure out what he's doing and how he's reacting. He can hear that she's asking him to stretch out and his breath catches in his throat, his chest heaves once.]

If he has his hands over his ears, don't ask him more questions. It will just overwhelm him. If you need to him to do something tell him what and why and he will when he can. There are containers of roast meat and potatoes that he likes in the fridge in the kitchen, take it for him...

[His breath is hitching with sobs still as he speaks, his voice choking slightly. But when she asks if he thinks she would lie to him and if she had anything to gain, he feels another spike of anger. Manages to restrain it enough to not shout.]

None of that matters. The last person who lied to me about my family's well-being had no reason and didn't seem like someone who would lie.

No more questions.

[ She repeats it quietly to herself, internalizing the advice. ]

Lalli, when you curl up like that, your body can heat itself more efficiently. That's good when you're cold, but bad when you're already too hot. We still need to cool you down, so it's better if you stretch out. Once your temperature is back to normal, you can curl up and hide as much as you want.

[ Lalli makes a 'mrrrrr' sound in the back of his throat that Onni might recognize, but he complies, and Cho smiles. She leans back on her heels, and begins digging around in her bag. When she speaks again, it's to Onni through the phone. ]

That worked. Thank you. I have venison jerky that he's been eating. And candy. I give him candy whenever I have to touch him to take his pulse or temperature, or when he has to take an anti-inflammatory or an analgesic. His fever is down two degrees. That's very good, but still not in the normal range.

I'm sorry you don't trust me. I don't know what I can do to fix that, short of breaking the promise I made to your cousin, which I won't do. If you have any other questions, I'll answer them to the best of my ability.

[ Cho has found what she wanted in her bag. Her iPod, and spare headphones. She brings up a one hour loop of a rainstorm in the forest, the wind whipping the younger trees and rustling the bracken, raindrops pliping on every broad leaf on their journey to the forest floor. She starts it, and returns to Lalli, holding one earbud near enough that he should be able to hear what's being played through them, giving him the option to take it if he wants it, and the option to ignore it if he doesn't. ]

[Lalli does unfurl when Cho asks, but he's clearly not relaxed. His hands remain over his ears, and his eyes remain closed, and he still looks like he's trying to shut out the entire world around him.

He doesn't react to hearing Cho's half of the conversation--most of it is muffled anyway. He doesn't react at all, in fact, until he hears something bizarre: the sound of rain and wind through trees, something he hasn't heard in--months, now. Not since he was brought here, to this place with its artificial walls and the endless buzz of electric lighting.

Something in him instantly relaxes. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed it.

Cho is still on the phone, and so she can only interact through pantomime; Lalli doesn't know where the sound comes from or how, but he comes to understand that the strange device is meant to go into his ears. When he complies, the sound of rain is all he can hear, and for a moment--

For a moment, if he closes his eyes, he can truly believe he's back in the forest around Keuruu--or even Saimaa, before disaster struck. The lukewarm water of the bath becomes a pool he found at the base of a river, the rain the same that beat against the walls of his home as a child. It's... incredibly calming.

He doesn't say a word to Cho since, but he slips into unconsciousness in record time.]

[He listens to her try to calm Lalli down, and Lalli's noise of discomfort and then she starts talking to him about what she's been doing to take care of his cousin and what his temperature is and what he's been eating, and the anger flares again. Anger and something else, a sort of deep, cutting hurt.

Part of him can't quite accept that Lalli would want to run away from him and be taken care of by a complete stranger instead. Every time it registers in that way, it's like being stabbed in the gut. He really has lost Lalli, then, and he's alone now. Completely alone. After having spent the last twelve years of his life doing everything he could to keep them alive and safe, he's reduced to telling a stranger how to take care of his only remaining family member, over the phone, choking back his sobs, while Lalli refuses to see him.

It feels like the last of his soul is being crushed, and he makes a noise in his throat, unintelligible while she says she's sorry he can't trust her and that she'll answer any questions he has. About his own cousin, the only person he has left in this world.]

You have no right. To him or to do any of this. The only reason I told you how to take care of him was for his sake, and someone who needs to be told that shouldn't be the one taking care of him. You have no right to meddle in my family. I have nothing else to say to you.

[And with that he hangs up.]

text; @onni (backdated to early november)

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